Palm to Forehead

Sometimes I am a complete moron.

You know, the one who drops the ball right as the runner is sliding into home plate?

I'm that person. I am good at bungling things from time to time. I admit it. In fact, this space is kind of my therapy space. I can safely tell all of you (or no one, depending on how many readers I have) that I am not perfect. And I'm totally cool with it. I'm at a point in my life where I will own up to my own mistakes. Say I'm sorry. Ask how to fix things.

Which is why today, when something I was attempting to do for my job went completely inside-out, I owned up to screwing up. Sigh. Live and learn, right? Like I said, I can massively mess up. It is quite possible this is where my own empathy for others springs. I have been in that place of guilty feelings and embarrassment. I feel your pain.

So I will pick up the pieces and move on. One of my resolutions for the new year (my school year is ending-and I always think about new school year resolutions right about now) is to maintain a positive outlook. I'm pretty good at this in my personal life. I want to bring it into my professional life. It starts today. This moment. Tomorrow I'll rise and shine. I have to say, I am very excited about next school year already. Lots of new and exciting changes coming. So bring it on. I'm sure along the way I will fall flat on my face, but at least I can pick myself up, dust myself off and move on.

Because that is what catchers who drop the ball do. We move on to the next base runner.

The School Counselor's Corner

As a school counselor, I dispense oodles of advice. The population I work with is 7-9th grade students and our career technical group. I love em. Lots. They keep me up to my elbows in drama, fresh from the trenches of junior high and early high school. I'm talking good stuff here. The old fashioned "she said he said she said and then they all said" kind of stuff.

I know. You're jealous. It's okay. Not everyone is cut out for my line of work.

Of all the sessions I have with students, all the crises I've navigated students through, all the applications for career center programs and summer camps I have completed, all the academic advisement I have dealt there is one thing, one singular piece of advice I seem to dispense on a weekly, sometimes daily, basis.

Kill em with kindness. You know, take the moral high ground.

It seems simple in theory. But in practice, hoooo boy! Not so simple. I have students who never seem to master the concept that we are all human beings, inhabiting the same planet. And as such, if you treat every person with kindness, people will see you are good and treat you well in return.

Notice I did not say be everyone's friend. I never recommend that. But that does not stop you from treating your enemy with some modicum of decency. This gives you the moral high ground. The ability to look yourself in the mirror and know you did your best-no matter what.

Oddly enough, boys seem to grasp this concept better than their female counterparts. I have had several female students in my office of late. The drama usually goes something like this:

"She is so mean to me! I haven't done anything to her!"

"Why don't you give me some background? Tell me about your history with this girl..."

"Well we used to be friends. Then I got my boyfriend and she just got, like, um, all weird. Then he asked her to the dance! But she didn't tell me! (insert throat noise only teen girls can make) So I wouldn't let him dance with her. Then she tried to jump me at the bus stop. Whatever. Who needs her? I have better friends. But she keeps looking at me in the hallway. I want her to leave me alone. Ugh."

"So let me get this straight. You had/have this boyfriend who went behind your back and asked another girl to the dance and you hate her for it and not him?"

Long pause. Silence.

"Yep. That's about right."

Right around that point I want to smack my forehead. Girls and ladies-why don't we punish the skunks who do these things instead of each other?

Back to my students. I tell these girls to treat the girl who is looking at her with kindness no matter what. This way she stays out of trouble and her other friends will follow her lead. Rarely do my young grasshoppers take my advice, but I keep giving it. Someday, in a perfect society, girls won't gang up on each other over boys who play them against each other. And they will be nice to each other. Until then I will find a place to smack my forehead into. And possibly make a T-shirt with my advice on it to wear every day.

It will save me much in the way of time.

Public Potty Woes

I have to rant a bit.  Nothing major, just a minor irritant that I have nowhere else to express other than here.  And since this is my corner of the friendly confines of the interwebs, I'm going to take full-advantage.

Beware, it is about to get grody up in here.

My office has a restroom.  A tiny, one-person, sink and toilet combo restroom.  And it is viewed as a "staff" restroom.  This isn't my first encounter with the office/staff restroom combo.  My second office as a school counselor had the female staff restroom behind my desk.  Then we moved buildings.  Then I moved right back to that office 1.5 years later.  Then I moved several more times.  Now I'm in a temporary home that houses a new "staff" restroom.  This one is different in that it isn't just for the girls.  And it has (oddly) a scale in it.  You know, so we can weigh ourselves during our workday.  Hmmmmm. 

Am I the only one who is repulsed by using a restroom inside someones office?  I don't like other people hearing me pee. And since this is my office, I have to listen to everyone who uses it-and yes, I get to have my air polluted from time to time.  It was worse the first go-round when I was expecting and my sense of smell was magnified.  Woah was that something awful. 

I don't want to be mean about it.  I don't want to put a note on the door telling people to stay out.  I don't want to get bitchy.  I don't want to shoo them.  But I am sick and tired of working within sniffing and listening distance of one of our staff restrooms.  I have no issues using student restrooms.  Nor do I have any issue walking 15 feet down the hall to the other perfectly functioning restroom.  This is not about me wanting to keep the space to myself.  Nope.  I don't want it.  You can have it.  If someone came and took it for their office or classroom, I would never darken their doorstep to use the facilities.  Maybe that is what I should do, auction it off and have the proceeds go to our Be the Change team this year.  Because seriously, I am tired of being the school counselor/restroom attendant. 

Back to School

I'm back to work (school) and blogging while I sit in the limbo hours between the end of teacher work day and the start of open house. (Not so keen on making the hour drive home and hour drive back for an hour long open house, so I sit in my office and blog instead. Or shop.  Think I'll hit up Gap in a few minutes.)  I have unpacked the necessary boxes to function for this year.  There is a working computer (obviously).  I have no phone in my office.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  I can't make calls to any of the people I need to, yet I cannot be tracked down constantly.  Give and take, I suppose. 

Each year the re-entry is a bit rough.  This summer we nested, hung close to our cave, had a very quiet summer.  Literally and figuratively.  One week ago today I was a well-rested individual.  I didn't feel overwhelmed or stressed.  Today I hit four in the afternoon and my body will not allow my eyes to remain open.  I was zonked yesterday.  That sleep where you get blanket wrinkles and drool on your arm.  I'm sure I'll adjust soon, but man could I use a nap! 

In the spirit of trying to keep myself optimistic, I'll compile a list of reasons I'm happy to be back, and refer to it often! 

1. NPR's Morning Edition during my morning commute.  Because I drive an hour to work, I get a fairly good chunk of the show in.  This makes my brain very happy.

2.  Football season. I adore football.  Love it to my core.  I love the season starting with summer heat and ending with snowflakes on our eyelashes.  This Friday is the first of the season.  We will get popcorn, cheer on our boys, wear school colors, and squint under those bright lights once again.

3.  Catching up with friends. Once the hectic start of the year dies down, I will get a chance to catch up with everyone I've missed over the summer months.  We are just like our students-giggling over stories, exclaiming over new hair colors, examining each other's new school clothes. It never changes.

4. The parade of buses each morning.  I love the sight of school buses in the early morning light.  Something about it just makes me feel joyful.  So bring on the kids, throw open the doors, and wheel up those buses.  It is time to start another year!

Beginnings and Endings

Who loves the movie Sleepless in Seattle? This morning I was thinking about the scene where Tom Hanks starts dating again and the song "Back in the Saddle" plays over him making the phone call.  Only I was driving back to work after a two-week break.  School buses were on the road again.  Kids were standing at the edge of driveways in their winter coats.  My travel mug was off the shelf and filled with steaming hot coffee.  It is the start of the second half of our school year (already? What?!) and for me, the busier half of the year.  The part where we schedule our entire student body for next year, do our state-wide testing, process applications for our career-tech school, have graduation, awards ceremonies, and more.  Just thinking about it makes my head spin.  My mantra from now until summer will be "eventually June will come and it will all end." 

So I am at the beginning of the winter season of school life.  Outside all is cold, quiet and calm.  Inside we are a busting beehive of energy.  Ready to take on the meaty portion of the year.  Yet it is also the end of something for me.  A dear friend of mine is moving on to another job at the end of this week.  While I couldn't be happier for her, as it is a huge step up in her career path and she deserves all the recognition that comes with this new position, I am sad to see her go.  In every sense of the word, she's my cubicle mate.  The one who shares my morning "what our kids did to make us crazy" stories.  The friend I share shopping tips with.  A sympathetic ear who is two feet from my chair when I need it.  I will miss her terribly come Friday when she leaves. 

Yet move forward we must.  The pile of work in front of me will not grow smaller, no matter how much effort I put into blogging today.  Sadly, I will stop typing and return to actual paper and pen for a while.  I know, I know...I'll feel better when it is done. 

A Conferencing I Go...

Tonight may be Halloween, Beggar's Night, All Hallows Eve (or whatever version of Trick or Treat you prefer) but tomorrow I am hightailing it to our beautiful state capital for the one and only All Ohio Counselor's Conference.  Don't lie, I know you are seething with envy at this very moment. 

The AOCC is truly an amazing thing.  First, because it is not just for any one type of (school, community, mental health, marriage, family, substance, etc.) counselors specifically.  Nope, it is all-inclusive.  Bring your favorite mental health professional along with you and enjoy!  I will be sitting in on sessions with fellow school counseling peeps as well as those from community settings, private practice and more.  It is so good to get perspective from such a diverse group of people. Secondly, AOCC is awesome because it has such a wide variety of sessions to attend.  I will be sitting in on sessions on topics ranging from helping students with special needs, bullying, female aggression (grrrrr!), helping students in military families, how to avoid burnout and more! Finally, it is a chance to refresh, reconnect with colleagues I see rarely, and gear up for the tough time of my year.  I always return home feeling excited about my job.  Just the shot in the arm I need after a long start to the school year. 

Did I mention how much I adore Columbus though?  I start feeling giddy about going down there several weeks in advance.  Between the amazing restaurants, the cool shops, and fun things to do, I find my days don't have enough hours in them when I'm at AOCC.  The conference is held at Easton-for those not in the know, one of the malls made like a giant main street-so shopping and food abounds.  But I like to escape the cardboard box of a mall and explore the more downtown districts.  You'll find me roaming the sidewalks of the Short North (my favorite area!) and poking around the quaint streets of German Village.  I love that Columbus can be both big city and small town all at the same time.  You have to love the Midwest for that!

Now, I have to run...I have a very important itinerary to plan...with conference sessions, meal breaks, and all important shopping to squeeze in.  See everyone soon!

Loss is Unfair

About two minutes ago my husband called and asked me if I was sitting down. He had some bad news. I didn't quite believe him, as he can be a bit of a prankster. Oh how I wish I could go back to that moment in time where I thought it was a joke. There was no prank.

A friend, a colleague of mine passed away unexpectedly this morning. As I've said before, I'm a school counselor. I work with our career tech school, and she was an employee there. She worked with many of my at-risk students as they prepared to start their journeys into career-technical education. This past year she went into the classroom and while their full-time students benefited from her wry sense of humor, her demand for focus, and her big heart, I missed her tremendously. I still saw her on occasion, just not as often as I liked.

After learning of her passing, I honestly didn't know what to do. I paced the floor in tears. My four year-old asked what was wrong. I gave him an honest answer. He gave me a hug, kiss, said he was sorry, and went back to Kai-Lan. After thinking, weeping more, I turned here. My readers and the blogger community I so love is the place I knew I could come to. Loss is never easy. Be it someone who has been ill for months or years and in pain, someone who has lived a full life and goes in their sleep, a young person in a tragic accident, or like my friend who I last saw when I was selling prom tickets and joked she could be my date and now is gone. My heart aches for my own loss, but more for her husband, her son, her family. For her tightly-knit work family I get to be a satellite of. If you are reading this, please send a prayer out into the universe for Edwina today. For her family and friends. That they may find some comfort and healing. Because loss never makes sense and it is never fair.

So then there is that...

Wow.  That is all I can say.  I have kind of fallen off the blogging/twitter/facebook/media merry-go-round for a few weeks.  Nothing too big, just feeling like life was getting away from me a bit and I needed to get back to the basics.  The basics being a night out with my husband, a clean house, an organized work space, laundry that is clean and put away, some gardening done, and time to rest my eyes a bit.  Oh, and to disconnect the iPhone from my hand.  Needless to say, it felt good.  Really good.  Like one big long sigh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Then I start to reconnect with the world.  Well hello massively huge news cycle.  Hello brand new professional obligations.  Hello May when I am up to my eyeballs at work with senior credit deficiencies and award ceremonies.  Hello single parenting nights when my spouse (who also works in education) is at school functions nearly every night until June.  Life just got a bit on the other side of the line called exciting! 

I try not to get political on here, and try to stay away from the major news of the day.  I figure y'all have your favorite news websites and news bloggers for that.  (well, at least I do!).  However, in the last 7 days I have not been able to walk away from the following things on my TV:

Massive Southern Tornado Outbreak
The Royal Wedding
Osama Bin Laden

So, wow.  I'm just glad I'm not employed by the news media right now.  I follow a great many of them on twitter, and it exhausts me just reading their schedule...first headed down south, then to England, then back to NYC in the middle of the night on their day off!  Yeesh.  While the wedding was big news, it was what I called "fluff" news.  A day for girls like me to look at pretty princess dresses, tiaras, princes, carriages, and remember when we were all little girls and dreamed about fairy tales.  It was sweet and lovely.  A distraction in the midst of other pressing matters.  As a weather watcher (literally-The Weather Channel is in my list of favorites) I am riveted by the tornado outbreak coverage.  It is simply devistating. At the end of today's post, I'll give you some links to places you can go to help out.  Plus, one of my favorite bloggers, The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond is doing the coolest blog giveaway ever.  Go and check it out. 

Then last night, as I was doing the last of the laundry, and watching Sunday night HBO with the hubs, we got push alerts about a presidential address coming at 10:30.  Unusual on a weeknight, let alone a Sunday.  With family who serves our country, former students overseas, and having lived through 9/11 as a first-year teacher, I went from calmly folding laundry to nervously stacking folded t-shirts and pacing.  As we watched the news of the night unfold I felt my mind catapulted back 10 years to the day I was giving my first exam as a teacher.  Everyone says they remember exactly what they were doing, where they were on 9/11.  We each have our own stories.  That was the day I pulled my remaining foot out of my childhood and planted it firmly into adulthood.  Twenty-five high school seniors were staring at me, wide-eyed, worry etched in their faces, wanting answers I didn't have.  I wanted to run home.  The world changed in the blink of an eye, and all I could do was clutch the rim of a chalk tray behind my back and pray for the wisdom to fumble forward into the day.  Now I stand here, 10 years older (wiser?), having experienced the thrill of getting married, becoming a stepparent, finishing graduate school, becoming a parent, building a home, new jobs, and creating a life as a family.  I stand here feeling the weight of adult worries on me, but thankful that I have a nest built to come home to.  Today I will take the time to breathe deeply.  To take in with my eyes all the beauty that surrounds my home.  To be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life.  I hope you will do the same. 

As promised, for those of you who want to help storm victims, here are links to some great organizations:

 ISOH/IMPACT-They're a local charity that does amazing work worldwide!  Check out their "bucket brigade" it is so cool!!
The American Red Cross
The Salvation Army

Over and out.

Baby Steps

Today, I am lacking in motivation to do anything.  Anything productive.  Anything non-productive.  Just anything.  I think it has something to do with last week's 'mysterious illness trying to kill me' coupled with a few snow days, a dash of Jack's birthday party, and staying up past my bedtime to live tweet the Oscars.  Today I just want to veg.

But I need to function, work, and be productive.  It is the last day of February! In my mind, the seasons follow months, not dates.  Today is the last day of winter.  Spring starts on March 1.  I know...blah, blah, blah, the equinox isn't for 20 odd days yet.  But with March comes the thaws, the wind, the rains.  By the end of the month we have usually seen at least one good warm day.  By the end of this week, our local custard stand, Mel-o-Creme even opens!  This is all reason to hope for springtime warmth.

Today, I am going to push myself to take baby steps.  I'm going to feign inspriation to be productive.  I don't feel it, but maybe the whole "fake it till you make it" notion will work out.  I was thinking a little bit about my favorite place in the world besides home-Tybee Island-and their sea turtles.  Those little guys try so hard to get where they're going, and somehow manage to do it.  Well, if they can, I guess I'll muster the energy to organize this desk, tackle a few tasks, and feel good about my afternoon.  How about you?



My inspiration, care of Sunshine Palate & Carol.



A day in which we serve. Or rest? Which is it for you?

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day here in the US.  For many of us, it is a day free from work and a day at home.  As a school employee, it is the end of a three-day weekend, just before the start of second semester.  The kids are home, as are their teachers, and I have to wonder to what purpose.  


Over the past several days I saw a few posts on my twitter feed grumbling about schools in the South using today to "make-up" one of their snow days.  These posters saw it as a sign of disrespect for the day.  Their opinion was that the day would be better spent out of school and in some form of service.  I understand where they are coming from, I do.  I think it is very important for our students to learn the value of service to their community.  After all, I was the teacher who put together the volunteerism project as a choice for the junior/senior project where I used to work.  I am one of the advisers for our Be the Change Team, and our fall project was to donate to our local food pantry for the Thanksgiving Dinner.  


However, I also have been reading my Facebook news feed the past several days.  I have seen many of my friends posting their plans for today, and while there are some who have postings honoring the late Mr. King, there are also many who have taken advantage of a three-day weekend and are off on trips, using today to get family medical appointments done, shopping, or simply resting at home.  I suspect that many, if not most of, the teenagers I work with are doing this today rather than utilizing today to be in service of their community.  


I'm not trying to be preachy, but I really do think that today would be better served if we weren't off school.  We are in session for the following holidays:


Patriot's Day
Constitution Day
Columbus Day
Election Day
Veteran's Day
Pearl Harbor Day
Inauguration Day


Now, I realize that these aren't all "holidays" in the typical sense of the word.  But, on those days our students are typically doing things to honor the day.  For Veteran's Day, the VFW brings in speakers for our students.  On Election Day the older students in our government class go to volunteer at the polling places, the younger students hold mock elections.  On Inauguration Day (when this applies) we stop the day to watch the ceremonies.  I could go on, but you get the idea.  Sometimes, being in school can be just as good as taking the day "off" and being home to sleep in and not being aware.  


I guess what I am saying is, why would it be bad for our students to be in school today where we could do a school-wide service day?  If a parent wanted their student to participate in a community event related to MLK day, I believe that would be excused like any other event.  Yet, sometimes we do get things right.  Sometimes schools, the teachers who work in them, and the students who are in them get things right.  I wish I could have spent today at work with my Be the Change Team, finding ways to serve our community.  It would be more in the spirit of Dr. King than what many of us are doing today. Don't you think?


"Everybody can be great.  Because anybody can serve.  You don't have to have a college degree to serve.  You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve.  You only need a heart full of grace.  A soul generated by love. "


Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Life & Loss

I have thought a lot about how I would write this post.  It has been a sad weekend for me.  My professional role is a school counselor.  I spend many of my days resolving conflicts between adolescent girls, helping teens research careers, choose classes, facilitating contact between our career center and the school where I work, and a variety of other calls that come in on a daily basis.  Usually, it is a great job filled with thousands of rewards.  I get to see growth in my students-academically and emotionally-each and every year.  I wouldn't trade this career for anything.


However, when the crises come, they aren't little and they aren't easy.  They leave us with the wind knocked out of our sails, and grasping at straws for answers.  You expect that it will happen-the tragedy of youth cannot escape you-but when it does, it is never easy, even though you may have experienced it before, if it is a situation where you could have prepared for it, or where it is out of the blue.  When a tragedy strikes your teens, it cuts to the quick and all the counseling skills in the world aren't enough. 


Friday morning I was startled out of my post-slumber stupor by a phone call that rocked my world.  We had lost an eighth grade student unexpectedly.  It was a tragic death that no one saw coming.  I went through my own ribbon of emotions of shock, sadness, sobs, grief, anger, and then the professional began to take over at 5:30 in the morning.  The gears began to shift as I started to see the faces of my students in front of my face.  I knew I couldn't afford to be a mess for them.  It is a tenuous thing, grief, for me.  I'm an all or nothing kind of person.  If I allowed myself to fully immerse into my emotions I would have been no good to my students and staff that day.  So, I plowed full speed ahead into the business of managing a crisis in a school.  For those of you who don't know what it is to do so, I pray you never do.  Explaining death to multiple teenagers with searching eyes is the most painful thing I have ever done.  Simply put, you cannot explain why a friend who was there yesterday is not today.  There are no answers.  There is no balm to ease what they feel.  All you can do is hold hands, pat backs, give hugs, give all the love you have to your kids.  


After we put somber kids on buses and into cars for the ride home I put away the tools of crisis management-tissue boxes, markers, paper, bottled water and granola bars.  I straightened up my office, returned calls from the other school counselors offering their support, put my coat on, grabbed my bag and climbed into my car to go get my own child and head home.  I spent my weekend resting, celebrating my mom's birthday as they visited from out of town, and watching snow pile up outside our windows.  Today, I will put my work clothes back on and drive to a funeral home to hug children again, hold hands of parents who don't understand why this has happened, and wish I had the words of wisdom that will never come.  Yes, I love my job, but this is the part that chips away at my heart and leaves me with scars that I will remember always.  

Acts of Change

Today was our second Be the Change Team meeting (from now on I'll simply refer to them as the BTCT...kind of like BSC books of my youth...no, I won't explain.  If you get it, you're cool.) and I was reminded again why I adore my job.  Kids have a resilience that we adults seem to have stuck under layers of cynicism and doubt.  Our meeting started with a quick "check-in" and them moved into the meat of the day's activity...the "notice, choose, act" activity.  Basically it named things you could do and then asked how you could do those three simple things, ending with the question, "When will you act on this change?"  The first one was a simple thing...talking about what you're most thankful for.  The last one was about forgiveness.  As one of the two facilitators, I was tasked with doing the activity before the meeting and really dropping my waterline and getting as real as I could with the kids.  I did.  I admitted that I have a hard time forgiving someone in my life, in front of the group.  Hello...I'm an adult.  A professional school counselor.  Mental health professional.  And I cannot let go of a grudge.  So, I will work to embrace the movement I've brought to my little school, and work through to forgiveness.  The kids really embraced this activity.  Of course, some of their responses were typical junior high silly:

"I'm thankful for my best friend ______ because she is sooooooooo totally awesome!!!!! And I will hug her right noweeeeee!!!!!"

But even those made my heart warm becuase teens just feel things to such a higher intensity than us cynics do.  I love them.

But the one that touched my heart the most was a student who wrote:

"I forgive the students who have bullied me.  They just didn't understand why they did it.  I forgive them now."

Heart melting into puddles of joy.  He is the change we need in our world.  Buddy, I hope I can embrace your spirit and be more like you.

Football and food

I can't help it...I have an obsession with concession stands at sporting events.  The junk food they peddle plays to my senses like no other.  The hot dogs, the popcorn, the soda, the elephant ears, the candy, I love it all.  If there was an air freshener that had the smell of Friday night games, I would be all over it.  


Last night we were attending a game to see my boys play (like I've said before...I'm a school counselor).  While my boys were not victorious, the food options were.  This school was Midwestern high school football at its finest as far as concessions go.  There were your typical offerings at the main stand...hot dogs, a variety of candies, sodas, hot cocoa, etc.  However there were two items that I've never seen at any high school game before, and bear mentioning. A local butcher shop had set up a fried bologna stand, complete with trouble lights strung up on rope.  The sign was a simple piece of plywood with the words "fried bologna" stenciled in black on it.  They had a grill off to the side with frying pans and buns to grill.  Nothing fancy, but oh my gravy did it smell divine.  I cursed the dinner we had filled up prior to the game.  If only I wasn't full!  But the crowing glory for me was what was stationed on the opposite side of the concession stand.  Lifted on the back of a trailer was a kettle corn vendor.  For two dollars you could hold in your hands the best kind of popcorn known to man.  Sweet, salty, warm, crunchy, delicious all in one bite.  Who needed the normal popcorn when you had this? Of course we put up the two dollar bills and walked away with a warm plastic bag filled with our treasure.  The three of us stuffed our mouths as fast as we could.  I may return to next week's game just to partake in some more of that delicious food.  Who knows, I may have missed something, like good local warm cider.  That is, if my waistband can handle it...

Want to join the team?

I promised updates on how our kids have fared post-Challenge Day, and here's your first update...today was our first Be The Change Team meeting!  We had about 60 kids show up for our "picnic" in the gym during lunch (that is half the 8th grade class!).  Now, I know that the numbers may not stay this high, but I am thrilled that this many are feeling positive one week after Challenge Day has passed.  Our timeline (per the CD organization) has you take about a week to get back on your feet and get the group together, basically to give the kids time to settle and for us coordinators to meet with any students in crisis.  So far, we are on task.  I've not heard much feedback from the students so far, so when we asked the group to take a minute to check in with a partner and talk about how they're doing before checking in with the group, I was so touched.  The students told us that they've noticed less bullying, less drama, more togetherness than before CD.  They understand that CD is not going to work a miracle, and that they are going to be the agents of change in the school.  Hearing that almost moved me to tears.  These kids totally rock!  We left the meeting with kids divided up into smaller teams-daily challenge teams, an "Acts of Change" bulletin board team, a Be The Change week team, even one to review our code of conduct and meet with administration to see if any changes need to be made.  


Challenge Day is a program that doesn't come in to "fix" your kids.  It is one that comes in and reminds them that at their core, they're all human beings.  They're all the same.  It helps to awaken the desire for them to start making positive changes within themselves, their school, their communities and their lives.  Today lifted me up and reminded me just why I do what I do...because I get to spend every day working with such awesome and awe-inspiring kids.

The wall...

I knew this school year was off to too good of a start for me.  Lately I kept wondering when it would happen, when I was going to slam, face first, into the wall.  Oof...it happened.  After the high of Challenge Day, we took a trip east and back to my hometown.  By the time we arrived back to our home last night I was done for.  Sleeping on the couch, head pounding, arms feeling like noodles.  You know what I'm talking about.  I just felt like a semi truck had barreled into me and left me for vultures to find.  Not pretty.  So, today I spent time recovering.  A few migraine meds, some rest, lots of tea, and snuggles from my three-year-old later, and I'm feeling much more like a human and less like roadkill.  At least this evening I'm upright and have emptied the dishwasher.  That's far better than 24 hours ago...at that point a shower sounded like torture.  


It's days like this when I have to remind myself that I need to slow down a little.  Take better care of my physical/emotional well being.  I need to go to bed earlier.  I need to unwind in the evenings.  I need to use my weekends to refuel.  I need to put the iPhone down when the family is home and focus on them.  I owe myself and my family a healthy and whole wife and mom.  


So tomorrow (after we put our son on the bus for the first time) I'll start to try to do better again.  Here's to taking better care of ourselves...at all times.  Not just when our bodies force us to remember it is important.  

It starts with one...

I know I've kind of disappeared for a few days, but it has been a long week.  You see, this week we put on Challenge Day at our school.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with what it is, click here to check it out.  I can't really explain what it is fully...you have to experience it to understand this post to its fullest.  So if you're feeling a bit left out, I do apologize in advance; it is entirely unintentional.  


This past winter, in February to be exact, my co-worker and I began to plan this week's Challenge Day.  We applied for grants to fund the event.  Because it is so expensive ($3,200 per day, plus travel expenses from CA) we needed quite a bit of support.  The first wonderful event to roll our way was when our school district's endowment foundation saw fit to fund nearly the entire amount of Challenge Day (they gave us well over the amount we wrote the grant for).  I still have the award letter in my binder.  Reading it last winter gave me chills, tears, and excitement all at once.  I was floored by their generosity.  At that point we knew we could actually pull it off, and bring the Challenge Day program to our school, so the two of us got to work on coordinating the event.


During a spring staff inservice, we showed a video that details what the day and the organization is all about.  There weren't many dry eyes in the room.  Several staff members were eager to do whatever it took to help us organize the event in the fall (even though there wasn't much at that point!).  We started to go into classrooms and talk to the current 7th grade students so they knew it would be coming when they started 8th grade.  Over the summer we crafted press releases for the local paper and our school's summer newsletters and mailers.  We even received a few adult volunteer requests via email during our vacations.  The good feelings kept rolling along.


Of course, once school began the push was on.  All 117 students had to have permission forms turned in.  They all had to have documented lunch plans.  We had to arrange for 35 adult facilitators to be there for the day.  There were little things too...tissue boxes, markers, pens, name tags, agendas for each grade level (even the non-participating ones), making sure the bells were turned off...then worrying about fog delays!  By the week of Challenge Day the two of us were big, fat, giant balls of worry and stress.  


Wednesday night found the two of us at school late, sweating it out in the gym as we unstacked 153 (yes, I counted) chairs, made a giant circle with another inside, set out the tables per the diagram, found trash cans and placed them around the room, made sure the windows were blocked, the registration tables were ready in the hallway, even the signs for lunch were posted.  By the time I arrived home sometime after 8:00, my son was crying, my poor husband wasn't feeling well, my head was splitting open, and I didn't know where I would dig to find the energy for the next day.  


The alarm came through at 4:15 Challenge Day morning and by 4:30 I was up and going.  I had to be at the school an hour earlier than I typically rushed into the building.  I remember thinking that the moment of calm I had as I walked into a completely empty building at 6:25 was probably my last.  By the time we met our poor, lost (literally...our school is in the middle of nowhere and surrounded by road closures), Challenge Day leaders, ushered in the adult facilitators, dealt with herding the 6-7th grade students to class, and registered the 8th grade students I had somehow found the energy I doubted existed the night before.  I was totally pumped, and ready to show these unsuspecting students how to rock their world.  


I won't give you a complete summary of the day here.  It wouldn't be fair to the confidences that were shared in the room.  What I will share is that I danced my bootie off, cried my eyes out, hugged until my arms were like jello, and felt like I could fly by the end of the day.  I witnessed students doing things so powerful and simple that they brought me to my feet and tears at the same time.  We may have had adults there to "facilitate" the day, but those students showed us what they are capable of.  If the world can look like what I saw in that gym on Thursday, this is where I want to be.  I am infinitely more proud to be a part of the work family I come from, infinitely more proud of the students I shared the day with and forever bound to that group of people who shared the day with me.  


Challenge Day is a little like childbirth in a way...you work so hard to get to that point, keep thinking it can't possibly be worth all that effort, then it happens, it is beautiful and amazing.  Now we are all left excited to try to fund next year's efforts.  We are gearing up to start our Be The Change Team (that starts NEXT WEEK!!)  I can't wait to post to y'all all the amazing and wonderful things my kids will do, for themselves, each other, their school, their community, and the world.  But I want them to remember always...it only takes one person to be the change...

My summer mornings

May I just take a moment to enjoy my last morning with the sunshine pouring in the front windows while I'm sitting  at the computer reading over my favorite news feeds and blogs doing something I've come to adore in the past several years...drinking really rich lovely coffee?  Starting tomorrow the routine will shift a bit where I will be nursing it out of a travel mug in my car as I listen to NPR on my way into the office.  There won't be the option of a second cup when I arrive.  (this is because I have a very specific method to my coffee madness, which would require far too much effort at work)  My favorite mug is at home.  It is one that is a thick handmade pottery, and has a wide enough handle I can slip my entire hand through.  Oh, I love my summer mornings for this reason.  I can take in the moments between when I am up and ready and my son comes barreling out into the world with a warm cup of sweet and divine goodness in my hand.  Come fall, the weekends will be similar, but they have their own traditions...College Gameday, breakfast at Star Diner with my boys, our "cave days" where we stay in our pj's until bedtime and change into another pair...but summer...oh summer.  You have been lovely.  Today is my last, and I'll miss you so.

What would I do without them?

I work in a school.  So this time of year I am gearing up to return to work.  For me, this consists of restless nights of sleep, days filled with a mixture of excitement and sadness, ears straining to hear the sounds of football coaches whistles during two-a-days, promising that tomorrow will be the morning I'll start practicing the 5:30am wake-up call, staring into my closet at work clothes that haven't seen the light of day in 10 weeks, and trying to brush up on teen pop culture.  It also is time to catch up with by besties at work. At the end of the school year we are filled with ideas for summer get-togethers, what we want to do with our families and kids, and then we are facing August, not having seen each other since we walked out into the hot sun back in June.  Yet, it feels as though no time has passed between the three of us.  I know these awesome ladies have busy lives, what with families and non-work friends.  Summertime is when we play catch-up on everything that work consumes during the school year.  I don't worry that there will be strangeness after a few months of not seeing each other.  I am giddy to see them tomorrow at lunch.  I feel the exact same way I used to in grade school before the first day of school.  We will hug, giggle, probably eat Mexican food, exchange stories about "what I did for my summer vacation", talk about our kids and spouses, our crazy lovable families, and then settle into a new school year.  I don't know how I would survive one without them.