When You are Five

You sing out loud without worrying what other people will think.

You dance to your song, not considering if your moves are cool.

You give food an actual thumbs-down when you put it in your mouth and it tastes bad.

You tell someone if you like them (or not).

You love with your whole heart.

You want to learn all the things.

When you are five you filter nothing and take in everything.

Last night our son was at swimming lessons.  He is re-taking the same level again.  It is clear he has the same fear of water I had at his age.  I am not too concerned about this, as once I got over the fear I became a fish and would swim any time I encountered so much as a puddle.  The instructor took the students into the deep end and onto the short dive board.  When it came to his turn he crouched down on the end and it was clear he didn't want to jump in.  She seems to be no-nonsense, and I could tell she was commanding him to get in.  Once he did, and bobbed to the surface (with the help of a noodle tied to his waist) he was over the moon.  He climbed the ladder, skipped to the back of the line, was singing loudly, and danced while punching at the sky.  Oblivious to the looks other kids were giving him.  Not caring what anyone thought.  He conquered a fear.  He was celebrating.  His next jump was a jump.  An arms in the air, catapulting himself upwards off the board with all his might, splashing in fine five-year-old boy form, jump. 

When I witnessed this, I thought we could all learn a little from five year-olds.  They are uninhibited still.  They revel in their emotions.  Free of the temper tantrums of toddlerhood, yet allow themselves to fully immerse in joy and sorrow.  Willing to sing out loud whatever is in their head.  Willing to dance if so moved.  Willing to celebrate accomplishments with abandon.  When do we lose this? I think I am going to try to take some of it back.  Dance some more.  Sing even if I am off key.  And I won't worry (or at least try not to) who thinks I've lost my mind.  Because after all, why shouldn't I celebrate the best moments in life with gusto?

My Superpower

I found it.  Discovered my inner superpower.  The thing that I excel at above all else.  Why try to deny it?  Time to bring this power out from the shadows and let it soar!

Source: joannagoddard.blogspot.com via jmwclark on Pinterest

See? I even have a cape!

I showed this delightful discovery to my poor, bedraggled husband and he laughed.  At least I think he laughed.  Or did he laugh to cover up his horror?  Or did he laugh to cover up his horror at discovering his wife is crazy?  And why am I typing faster and faster as I think this over.

Breathe.

I am doing it again. 

Anyhow, I have been doing rather well with containing my superpower.  Since winter I have been writing, meditating, breathing, seeking medical help, running, and working on my diet.  All good things.  But the last month has been chaotic.  Life as a school counselor (teacher/administrator/school person period) can be that way the last quarter of the school year.  So I stupidly let myself go.  I fell off the running wagon.  I have allowed a little bit of regular pop to trickle back into my diet.  I haven't done yoga in a few weeks.  I haven't stayed up on my to-do list like I should.  And to make matters worse, I beat myself up for it.  Like seriously.  Like in the "you are such a loser" way. 

Palm to face.

So, this week it is sunny every day.  I am hitting the trail again with the running shoes.  I am eating better lunches again.  And I will do yoga at least once.  I started the meditative breathing again.  And those to-do lists that make me feel like I am on top of things? So doing those.  I can get the run away horses back in the stable. 

But I still want to wear my cape.  Because that is badass.  Bad. Ass.

Primary Rights

Today it is an Election Day round these parts.  Because it is primary election season, each state is voting on different dates, an unless you are a major political junkie, watch the news with some regularity, or are a political science professor, there is no possible way you have the primary election schedule memorized.  However today is Super Tuesday (translated: tons of state primary votes all on one day for fun!).  And for people who live in a house like mine, we will be watching the results roll in, the votes get tallied, and the delegates get allotted till our eyes cannot stay open for one second longer. 

I have made a concerted effort to not get all political up in here, and I'm not going to start now.  I'm not telling you which party ballot I'll be casting today.  Frankly, it ain't noneya business.  But what I am going to say is to all of you who still have yet to go and vote (and who are registered to do so) is for you to get your tushes out AND VOTE! I am a passionate believer in many things, but the right to vote is right up at the tippy-top.  I don't take the responsibility lightly.  Nor should any of you.  Voting is what makes this country run.  It makes our voices heard.  It is powerful.  Each time I hit the voting booth, punch that ballot (well, touch the screen these days), and submit my votes I want to yell out "BOO-YAH!" because I get so excited. Yeah, I may be a dork, but I am a dork who participates in my government and how it gets selected.  My vote in the national elections may only be one in a gigantic pool of votes, but locally it is vitally important.  And readers, local elections is where it is at. (yep, I totally ended that sentence with a preposition, but I don't care-it is my blog and I get to do what I want)  Local elections build our roads.  They fund our schools, our libraries, our health departments.  They decide who serves on local government that creates policies that affect our daily lives.  And these elections can (and oftentimes are) be decided by a single vote.  Maybe your vote! That is power.  See why I want to do a little dance and cheer each time I hit the polls?!

I take my son with me when I vote.  Every time.  I went with my parents when I was a child.  I didn't see how they voted, but I did see that they did.  It was important to them that we knew this happened.  That it was something we did as citizens of our town, state, country.  My son knows what voting is, what it looks like and that we do it several times each year-not just every four.  I am very proud of this.  Someday he will be old enough to register to vote, to exercise his own voice in the process.

Readers, this nation, these states, these towns are yours.  Don't give them over to everyone else who gets out the vote.  Make yourself heard.  Sometimes your voice is in the minority and sometimes it is not.  But that is the beauty of our country.  Today is an Election Day in Ohio, and I fully intend to exercise my Primary Right...to vote! I hope to see you there.

Being Awesome

Today is a bonus. Leap Day. An extra day tacked on to February every four years.  We get 24 extra hours this year, and I have a proposal for all of you-go about your day today and be extra awesome. You don't have to rush out there and cure cancer, save endangered species, or patch holes in the ozone.  No, I'm talking about being extra specially awesome in your regular day.  It isn't often we are given 24 extra hours.  And as a mental health professional, I can't tell you how many times I hear students of mine say "If only I had just one more day with...." So, here is your extra day.  And here are some of my suggestions to inject some awesome in your day...

Call someone who is in a rough patch: Remember that old AT&T commercial? Reach out and touch someone.  Do it! They will love hearing your voice, words of encouragement, or simply feeling reached out to.  Even if you end up on their voice mail, a simple "I'm thinking about you" will do the trick.

Work-out: If you already do this regularly, switch up your routine and try something new.  If you don't just head outside for a walk, dance around your living room, take a bike ride with your kids, or any other easy activity that gets your blood pumping.  It will make your body feel better, your soul happy, and you may even sleep better tonight! Can't beat that, can you?

Try a new food: If you are a cook, grab something new at the market to fix tonight. Or if you eat out, change your routine and hit up a new restaurant with the family or friends.  Your taste buds will thank you on this Wednesday night!

Enjoy a favorite dessert/drink/film: Either on your own or with someone you adore.  Whichever you prefer. Indulging in something that you wouldn't normally do on a weeknight feels sinful, fun, and delightful.  And it is a fantastic way to cap off your bonus day of the four years. 

Feel free to add to the list, or tell us how you decided to be extra-awesome today.  Whatever it is! Just remember whenever you ask for "one more day" here's your chance! So go out and seize your opportunity!  Happy Leap Day!

"Working" out

Let me just start this post today by saying one thing.


WAAAAHHHHHHH!


There.  It's out there.  I hate working out.  It has the word "working" in it.  I hate sweating.  I hate getting all winded.  I hate sore muscles.  I hate exertion.  The whole thing is just meh to me.  I know there are those of you out there who are poised, fingertips to keyboards, ready to strike at the girl who is whining about working out.  You're ready to extol to me the many virtues of a work-out.  You're ready to tell me how much better I'll feel after I'm finished.  How I'll get those endorphins.  How much healthier I'll be.  Blah, blah, blah.  I get it.  


The thing is...I have been there.  I have, at various points in my life, gone to the Rec Center when in college, been a part-time runner, been an avid walker, joined a gym and hired a personal trainer, utilized my elliptical trainer months at a time.  Each stint working out and I have had, I do feel better when not actually "working out."  I like being strong.  I like having energy.  I just loathe what I have to do to be there.  I want someone to invent a pill, a drink, or something that gives me all the benefits without the massive time commitment.  Can't someone get on that?  I mean, my day starts when my alarm goes off at 5am.  That is o'dark hundred for those of you who aren't aware.  And this non-morning person doesn't drag her butt out of bed for 30 minutes of snooze button hitting bliss.  I have to be out the door by 6:40.  When I get home from work I'm usually on my own with the boy until my husband arrives much later.  And let's just say, Jack isn't too forgiving of me trying to use my yoga DVD or the 30 day shred when he wants to watch Nick Jr and spend time with mom.  That pushes this to 8:30.  People, by then my eyelids are held open by toothpicks and my body is screaming for a hot bath and bed.  I just don't know how other people do it.  Get up at 4am?  Um, no.  Work out at 10:00pm?  Not happening.  


Luckily for me, summer is coming.  Because I read chookooloonks yesterday and she was all about the schedule.  Which I'm all about.  So in a few weeks, I'm posting my schedule here.  My summer vacation schedule.  It will include the following items:
Midwestern Modern Momma
Social Media Work
Fitness
Cooking
Gardening
Jack & Play


The rest will be left to the imagination...it is vacation, after all!  


Done with the rant...thanks for staying with me this long.  If you're still here, and have ideas on awesome workout videos, send them my way.  I'm open to suggestions!

So then there is that...

Wow.  That is all I can say.  I have kind of fallen off the blogging/twitter/facebook/media merry-go-round for a few weeks.  Nothing too big, just feeling like life was getting away from me a bit and I needed to get back to the basics.  The basics being a night out with my husband, a clean house, an organized work space, laundry that is clean and put away, some gardening done, and time to rest my eyes a bit.  Oh, and to disconnect the iPhone from my hand.  Needless to say, it felt good.  Really good.  Like one big long sigh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Then I start to reconnect with the world.  Well hello massively huge news cycle.  Hello brand new professional obligations.  Hello May when I am up to my eyeballs at work with senior credit deficiencies and award ceremonies.  Hello single parenting nights when my spouse (who also works in education) is at school functions nearly every night until June.  Life just got a bit on the other side of the line called exciting! 

I try not to get political on here, and try to stay away from the major news of the day.  I figure y'all have your favorite news websites and news bloggers for that.  (well, at least I do!).  However, in the last 7 days I have not been able to walk away from the following things on my TV:

Massive Southern Tornado Outbreak
The Royal Wedding
Osama Bin Laden

So, wow.  I'm just glad I'm not employed by the news media right now.  I follow a great many of them on twitter, and it exhausts me just reading their schedule...first headed down south, then to England, then back to NYC in the middle of the night on their day off!  Yeesh.  While the wedding was big news, it was what I called "fluff" news.  A day for girls like me to look at pretty princess dresses, tiaras, princes, carriages, and remember when we were all little girls and dreamed about fairy tales.  It was sweet and lovely.  A distraction in the midst of other pressing matters.  As a weather watcher (literally-The Weather Channel is in my list of favorites) I am riveted by the tornado outbreak coverage.  It is simply devistating. At the end of today's post, I'll give you some links to places you can go to help out.  Plus, one of my favorite bloggers, The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond is doing the coolest blog giveaway ever.  Go and check it out. 

Then last night, as I was doing the last of the laundry, and watching Sunday night HBO with the hubs, we got push alerts about a presidential address coming at 10:30.  Unusual on a weeknight, let alone a Sunday.  With family who serves our country, former students overseas, and having lived through 9/11 as a first-year teacher, I went from calmly folding laundry to nervously stacking folded t-shirts and pacing.  As we watched the news of the night unfold I felt my mind catapulted back 10 years to the day I was giving my first exam as a teacher.  Everyone says they remember exactly what they were doing, where they were on 9/11.  We each have our own stories.  That was the day I pulled my remaining foot out of my childhood and planted it firmly into adulthood.  Twenty-five high school seniors were staring at me, wide-eyed, worry etched in their faces, wanting answers I didn't have.  I wanted to run home.  The world changed in the blink of an eye, and all I could do was clutch the rim of a chalk tray behind my back and pray for the wisdom to fumble forward into the day.  Now I stand here, 10 years older (wiser?), having experienced the thrill of getting married, becoming a stepparent, finishing graduate school, becoming a parent, building a home, new jobs, and creating a life as a family.  I stand here feeling the weight of adult worries on me, but thankful that I have a nest built to come home to.  Today I will take the time to breathe deeply.  To take in with my eyes all the beauty that surrounds my home.  To be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life.  I hope you will do the same. 

As promised, for those of you who want to help storm victims, here are links to some great organizations:

 ISOH/IMPACT-They're a local charity that does amazing work worldwide!  Check out their "bucket brigade" it is so cool!!
The American Red Cross
The Salvation Army

Over and out.

Definition of Beautiful?

Today I was reading my usual sections in the Huffington Post, when I came across an article by Julia Moulden, titled "I've Just Turned 55...And I Couldn't Feel More Beautiful".  It really made me pause.  I mean, I'm always talking about how we shouldn't define ourselves, how we should be comfortable in our own skin...then this article by Moulden comes along and BAM! In your face affirmation of what it really means to embrace that notion in 23 years for me.  I mean, just 15 years ago the age of 30 seemed ancient to silly, young me.  Now I look at women in their 50's and beyond and marvel at their beauty, earned through years of life.  I work daily with teenagers who have nary a line, sunspot (well, minus the ones they willfully have already from tanning beds, but that is another matter entirely), stretch mark, sag, spider vein, or anything other than pure glowing youth.  But I also see what they lack...wisdom, discipline, and, perspective.  Looking back on that period in my life, I know I thought I had all of those qualities, but as my grandmother so wisely told me, "Honey, the only wisdom you have is to know what you didn't know when you were younger." As a teenager I rolled my eyes and let out annoying sighs whenever she said this.  As an adult, I hear it echoing in my memory and nod in silent agreement.  


I love reading pieces like the one Moulden presented to us today.  It makes me feel so much more confident at 32 to say boldly that I look forward to my 40's, 50's, and beyond.  I used to say I couldn't wait to be 30, and I wasn't kidding.  Now that I'm here, I love it.  I no longer worry about all the silly things I used to worry about youth.  I feel settled, balanced, happy.  Of course, I realize that age isn't the only factor that comes to play in our state of being.  I just believe it is beyond time for all women to cease the worrying about aging.  Instead it is time to celebrate each stage we are in...be it the blissful glowing, ignorance of youth, the calmer middle years, the triumphant and lovely later years...each stage has its own beauty.  So stop fighting it and embrace it.  As Moulden says, "So, the kids are all right, and so are we. I'm 55 and I love my writer's hands. How about you?"


Well, I love my momma curves, how about you?

little dreams for a sunday

As a school counselor, I'm always preaching to my students "set goals" "follow your path" and talking, talking, talking about careers.  It is endless work.  Especially with junior high school students making the big bad leap to high school.  They look at me like I am nuts when I ask them to pick a career and start working towards it.  My usual reaction to this face is to tell them to relax, because I still don't know what I want to do with my life.  They laugh, relax, and we go back to work.


The thing is, I'm not kidding.


I think often about how I would love to make my own fantastic way into the world.  I would like to blaze my trail into the world through my words, photography, and connections to everyone through social media.  I love it, sitting here and writing to whomever is reading.  If I had more time, I would sit down every day with a cup of coffee, turn up my music and write away for hours while I find lovely tidbits for y'all to read. But my real job keeps getting in the way of such fun.  


After I had Jack, I found the world of bloggers through mom blogging.  That first summer home with an infant, I spent my days feeding, rocking, and reading (or watching if you are counting momversation.com) lots and lots of mom blogs.  As he is growing, I've branched out.  I read food blogs.  Gardening blogs.  Fashion blogs.  There are so many fabulous, smart, fun people out there writing that I cannot get enough of it.  I have my daily roll I go through, and each weekend I play catch-up.  Then I find another one to add to my list.  


This weekend, I was reading Sally McGraw's list of lovely links and stumbled across a new blog via this post about the merits of dreaming small.  Sarah's piece about being the best little fish you can be, really struck a chord with me.  Here I am, running around like a chicken with my head cut off...working a full-time job, being a wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter.  Then I try to do things like gardening, quilting, blogging, baking, canning, and more on top of it.  Somewhere I decided I wanted this blog (that I love and adore) to be big.  And I mean BIG.  But it doesn't have to be.  It can just be a good little blog that it's readers love to read, I love to write, and is good.  


So, I promise you, darling readers, that I will always write my best.  I will only write when I have time to.  I won't write when I should be playing with my son, or doing laundry.  (okay, I'm totally lying about the laundry part)  I will shower anyone who comes here with love, and pass along good tidbits about things I adore about home, family, the Midwest, and more.  


Even if I stay the tiniest little fish in the whole of Lake Erie.

Give a Little Lovin

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, and because I've been lucky to get to spend it with a lovely husband and son, but have also known what it is to spend it without a significant other, I'm issuing any and all readers a challenge today...I want you to complete this sentence:

I love me because ______.

Today is all about love.  Love yourself.  Love your friends.  Love your kids.  Love your family.  Love your partner.  But before you do any of the above, you have to feel confident and self-assured.  It isn't easy all of the time, and some days you have to remind yourself why you are so amazing!  So, I'll start.

I love me because I can find the beauty in the greyest of days, coldest of seasons, and embrace my "cup half full" side most every day. 

So my dear readers, what do you love about yourselves this fine and lovely February day?  Throw it out there for the world to see in the comments.  Let us all know why you totally rock!  It is Valentine's Day, and even if no one puts one single Valentine in our pretty shoeboxes we have so carefully decorated, you'll know that you are loved!  I'm waiting...tell me why you are so amazing.

Love you all...mwah!

The Round Up

So, how did you do?  It is January second, and I'm talking about your resolutions from 2010.  Did y'all stick to 'em?  Did y'all fall flat on your faces?  Somewhere in the happy middle ground?  I use the weekend of New Year's Day before I return to work to reflect, clean the holiday clutter out of our house, and think about how the past year went.  For a few years now I have made the same resolution, and will continue to do the same.  I resolve to live for the now and not the next.  I know...last post was about the exact same thing.  I won't bore you with the details about how I hope my 2011 will go.  But I have been reflecting a little on the past year.  This was a pretty amazing year for me.  No, I didn't celebrate any major milestones, but in many ways I feel much more settled, content, and real in my skin than I ever have before.  In the years to come, I hope to look back on 2010 as one of those pivotal years when I came into my own.  This was the year I fell in love with a little farm that supplied my family with oodles of good eats for almost half the year.  This year I worked to discover new and exciting food producers right in our region, and found that Ohio kicks ass!  This was the second season for our organic garden experiment, and the first we grew everything from seed.  On a few items I fell flat on my face, a few were mildly successful, and a few were outstanding.  This holiday season I sent our families home with baskets stuffed full of sauces/pickles/jams and a bottle of vodka that either I grew/made or sourced out in Ohio!  I became much more connected to our community, both close to home here and within the Midwest.  This was the year we watched our son grow from toddler to pre-schooler and run right onto a big yellow bus two days each week.  I also began to discover an incredible community of women online through mom bloggers, writers, tweeters, and more that  validate me each day and connect me to so many amazing resources.  


Yes, 2010 has been an amazing year.  I haven't even scratched the surface with all that was so great and wonderful for me.  I embrace the new year with all that I am, and look forward to its gifts, trials, and treasures to come.  

Fresh Starts

So, last night I became involved in the most amazing twitter movement via blogger, Karen Walrond...Badassery 2011.  My resolution for the past three New Year's has been to live for the now and not the next.  Well, I was inspired by her tweet: 

So my response was to place an addendum on my resolution:  "live for the now and not the next and to strive for badassery.  Always" 


Today, Karen defined what this is exactly.  I hope it inspires everyone out there as much as it has me.  Cheers to a new start, a new year, and to making a ruckus, badassery, and all the rest!  

Scarlett & Melly

Last night I caught most of one of my all time favorite films, Gone With The Wind, on TCM.  (They're doing a Vivien Leigh feature this week...)  I haven't seen it in several years, and haven't read the book in as many.  This is a film that I saw for the first time when I was about 10 years old, possibly younger.  Sitting wide-eyed on my grandmother's couch on a Friday night, in awe that it was two (yes, TWO) whole VHS tapes long.  Ogling the costumes and wishing I could have one to play dress up in.  Sighing over Rhett Butler and his dashing ways. Falling madly in love with the character of Scarlett, and vowing to be just like her when I grew up...


Fast forward to adulthood, life experiences, and a shifting filter and the way I have come to view both the book and the film has changed so drastically.  I watch it now with sweet nostalgia for those nights at grandma's house.  I can still smell the dippity-doo she used as she rolled her hair in front of the TV.  I can hear the microwave popcorn popping in the oven for our intermission treat.  Yet, I don't still wish to be just like Scarlett.  I see now how warped and twisted a character she really is.  I can see how she is a weak woman, and only has a veneer of strength to disguise her weaknesses.  It is her nemeses/best friend/sister, Melly, who I most admire now that I've become an adult/wife/mother/best friend/sister.  I used to watch Melanie and wonder at how naive she was over what was really going on in her life.  Now I watch and see that she is almost a reverse of Scarlett...a woman who appears to be weak, soft, yet at the core-as strong as steel.  I believe that she understands everything, understands that the humans in her life that she loves are all flawed; yet she believes in unconditional love, and practices it, no matter the cost to herself.  I can only hope to be as strong in my core beliefs as the character that Mitchell wrote is in her own.  Now I understand that literary/film characters are simple outlines of real life, so Melanie is not a fully fleshed-out person (nor is Scarlett), but she is a closer approximation to what I'd like to be someday.  You know, when I grow up.


Maybe that is the real reason my totally rockin grandma let me rent GWTW every weekend for years on end when I spent the night.  Maybe she wanted me to let those lessons unfold over time.  She wasn't the type to force lessons on us anyhow-she preferred life to show them to us.  Just as they did Scarlett & Melly...