It is that time of year. When everyone gets the grumpies. When we all tend to answer questions about our days with a heaving sigh and sharp response along the lines of one of the following:
"Don't have time"
"Tired"
"Worn out"
"Over worked"
And my favorite of them all...
"I'm just so busy."
I know, I know. I'm just as guilty as the next person of tossing out one of those easy responses when the skies have been dingy-gray flannel for days on end, the wind has been biting into every pore, the static electricity won't stop crackling, it seems as though spring will never come, and the salt dinge just won't quit getting on everything. December may be the darkest month of the year, but February and March have to be the most depressing.
So I am challenging myself to a few things. First, to keep up with my new (aka: return to) fitness routine. I've been running and hitting up the elliptical at least 3-4 times each week for a few weeks now. Outside when the weather permits, and on the elliptical when it doesn't. I loathe the indoor workouts, but I still feel better. Second, keep on with better eating habits. Every time I slip back into the junky foods I feel worse. So these apples next to my keyboard are replacing the kettle corn I know is in the break room. They will make my body and spirits happier.
And the big challenge-to recognize that we are all busy. But that does not mean my busy is more important than your busy. And that I should focus on the positive. Spread a little good energy around. Maybe instead of the party-line answer to "How are you doing," I could shout out a better answer of "great!" or "happy to be here!"
We won't make it through to the sunnier spring days in one piece if we continuously snipe and bicker. So let's ban together. Let's focus on the good in our days. Treat each other with grace and kindness. Recognize we are all leading full and busy lives that are equally important. Take deep breaths. Lead with love. We all have value-equally.
notes from the middle
Showing posts with label Wellness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wellness. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Unearthing from Holidays
First order of business, I know...I had a giveaway. I am a bad blogger and failed to announce the winner! Congrats Lista! I will be in touch soon to get you your beautiful piece of glass that is currently in my office.
Second order of business, I have been um, well, um, BUSY. Who's idea was it to have Clarkmas, Christmas Eve, and Christmas stacked on top of each other? I mean, come on fates! We cooked and cleaned and mixed drinks like no ones business. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love having family and friends over but I may have slightly lost my mind during the process. Not to mention we packed up Blanche and drove to the East Coast to visit the stepdaughter and her husband. It was a whirlwind! I am not certain what happened, but I know in the past few weeks we have seen the new Martin Luther King Jr memorial, opened gifts from Santa, had a Clark family viewing of the film Lawless, got a tour of stepson-in-law's naval ship, watched some bowl games, baked cookies, filled toys with batteries, and built some lego models.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Oh, sorry. That was just me recovering from one of the spontaneous naps that seem to overtake me at a moment's notice. I hope they pass soon.
Now that the busy season has passed at home, I am moving into the busy season at work. Scheduling, career tech center applications, parent student conferences, orientations, planning for next year and trying to coordinate a move into a newly remodeled building at the end of it all. I'm kind of geeked out about the last part. Ever since I was hired at my current district I've been a state of moving. Like the military family of school counselors. I kid you not, in the seven years there I have had six offices. Rumor has it that this new one may be permanent. I am plotting and planning for it. I want decorations that aren't taped to the walls. A Keurig with my favorite k-cups. A floor lamp that doesn't wobble like it is about to come apart just from turning it on and off. A place where students feel they can come and feel warm and welcomed. Where parents feel comfortable to talk. Homey and professional. I. Can't. Wait.
How are is every one else's New Years going? I hope well. I haven't disappeared, promise. Just buried. I will keep writing! See y'all soon!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Less Grit, More Staying Power
So we quit the cleanse. Or the satan diet. Or the 7 day diet. Or whatever you want to call it. Literally right after I posted yesterday, my husband got home and we started talking about what we were doing to ourselves and how we were feeling (awful). I felt like a giant rubber blob that wasn't capable of moving from couch to bed. I lacked energy reserves to function. I wanted to consume every junk food item within a 200 mile radius of our home. I wanted cheese. Large blocks of cheese. And meatloaf. And pasta. There simply wasn't a rationale to what I wanted to consume, other than my brain was screaming out for comfort. We had gone cold turkey from our junk food lives and it wasn't working. Not to mention that this cleanse was depleting us of a full and complete diet of nutrients. So it was a double-edge sword.
After much discussion and debate we decided on a plan of action. We were ditching this:
Now, I am NOT criticizing this diet/cleanse at ALL. I recognize it has a nutritionist backing, has been evaluated by a physician, etc, etc. I am just telling you that it was not the thing for us. So back off haters. Nor am I telling anyone out there how to eat (or not to eat). It is your body, so do with it as you see fit.
Our new plan is as follows: eat as healthy as possible. Eliminate as many meals out as we can. (at least limit them to celebratory/special occasions) Get moving. This cleanse did get the scales moving in our favor. For me, I've dropped six pounds, my husband ten. It was a great jump-start for both of us. And I know we are both more motivated to keep the scale moving in the same general direction. I'm scoping out healthy meals to throw together for the school year that will help us stick to the plan. We are also going to rely on Amy's organic frozen meals. They are super-yummy and great substitutes for nights when we are feeling too overwhelmed to throw something together.
This morning, as I type today's post, I feel much more myself. I'm not thinking about all the food in my cupboard I cannot eat. I'm not thinking about the coffee I denied myself (because I didn't have to today). I'm feeling fantastic because I dragged my butt out of bed at 6:00 am with my husband and put in a 1.4 mile walk. We ate a good breakfast together (banana and yogurt). I am enjoying writing and have my coffee with a bit of caramel and some skim milk. I have my energy back. And it is raining and cool and autumnal. So while I may not have enough grit to go completely cold turkey and finish out the cleanse, I know, with the help of my husband, we have the staying power to do this and see it through.
After much discussion and debate we decided on a plan of action. We were ditching this:
 |
| The "Eat Your Heart Out Diet" |
Now, I am NOT criticizing this diet/cleanse at ALL. I recognize it has a nutritionist backing, has been evaluated by a physician, etc, etc. I am just telling you that it was not the thing for us. So back off haters. Nor am I telling anyone out there how to eat (or not to eat). It is your body, so do with it as you see fit.
Our new plan is as follows: eat as healthy as possible. Eliminate as many meals out as we can. (at least limit them to celebratory/special occasions) Get moving. This cleanse did get the scales moving in our favor. For me, I've dropped six pounds, my husband ten. It was a great jump-start for both of us. And I know we are both more motivated to keep the scale moving in the same general direction. I'm scoping out healthy meals to throw together for the school year that will help us stick to the plan. We are also going to rely on Amy's organic frozen meals. They are super-yummy and great substitutes for nights when we are feeling too overwhelmed to throw something together.
This morning, as I type today's post, I feel much more myself. I'm not thinking about all the food in my cupboard I cannot eat. I'm not thinking about the coffee I denied myself (because I didn't have to today). I'm feeling fantastic because I dragged my butt out of bed at 6:00 am with my husband and put in a 1.4 mile walk. We ate a good breakfast together (banana and yogurt). I am enjoying writing and have my coffee with a bit of caramel and some skim milk. I have my energy back. And it is raining and cool and autumnal. So while I may not have enough grit to go completely cold turkey and finish out the cleanse, I know, with the help of my husband, we have the staying power to do this and see it through.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Grit
My husband and I have started a cleanse of sorts. (I'll give you the link when we are done, I promise!) Man, am I struggling with it. I mean S-T-R-U-G-G-L-I-N-G. It is a seven day process with very prescripted things we are allowed to consume each day. Granted, it is unlimited amounts of each thing(s), but I don't do well when I eliminate foods I adore. Like my morning coffee. Or my sugar. Oh sugar. Or cheese. I love my cheese.
In the few weeks leading up to this, we had discussed it, decided together it was a good idea, decided it would be a great way to kick-start our healthy eating, decided to do it together. I know without a shadow of a doubt I would be so done if it weren't for my husband doing this with me. Every time I get the urge to cheat "just a little" I think about him and how I need to stick with our plan.
The thing is, it is working. We have dropped weight. And it cannot possibly be water weight, because we are drinking enough water to drown small animals. I am peeing as though I were nine months pregnant. I even said yesterday these exact words "I go pee and you couldn't tell if I didn't flush" Damn. That's some good peein. (sorry, this cleanse has me giving way to much information. Avert your eyes from the type)
We have a post cleanse plan too. We have discussed how we intend to change our eating habits. I am looking at registering for another 5K in mid-October as a fitness goal for myself. Once we are through this cleanse and I am eating a bit more normally, I will start my running regiment again.
We both know we need to do this. We know our habits haven't been healthy. We have been feeling better through the process of this cleanse, even if our minds are begging us for grocery store cookies and fast food fries. And milkshakes. And cake. And peanut butter. And. Oh shut up minds. We have grit. And we can do this. Next week, when we are on the other side of this cleanse, I will link you to the information and report back on our results. So far, we are seeing fantastic results. Be prepared for two happy (and cleansed) individuals!
Until then, I reserve the right to be grumpy and dream about cake and cookies and pie and hamburgers and
No. I have grit. I'll dream about bananas and tomatoes.
In the few weeks leading up to this, we had discussed it, decided together it was a good idea, decided it would be a great way to kick-start our healthy eating, decided to do it together. I know without a shadow of a doubt I would be so done if it weren't for my husband doing this with me. Every time I get the urge to cheat "just a little" I think about him and how I need to stick with our plan.
The thing is, it is working. We have dropped weight. And it cannot possibly be water weight, because we are drinking enough water to drown small animals. I am peeing as though I were nine months pregnant. I even said yesterday these exact words "I go pee and you couldn't tell if I didn't flush" Damn. That's some good peein. (sorry, this cleanse has me giving way to much information. Avert your eyes from the type)
We have a post cleanse plan too. We have discussed how we intend to change our eating habits. I am looking at registering for another 5K in mid-October as a fitness goal for myself. Once we are through this cleanse and I am eating a bit more normally, I will start my running regiment again.
We both know we need to do this. We know our habits haven't been healthy. We have been feeling better through the process of this cleanse, even if our minds are begging us for grocery store cookies and fast food fries. And milkshakes. And cake. And peanut butter. And. Oh shut up minds. We have grit. And we can do this. Next week, when we are on the other side of this cleanse, I will link you to the information and report back on our results. So far, we are seeing fantastic results. Be prepared for two happy (and cleansed) individuals!
Until then, I reserve the right to be grumpy and dream about cake and cookies and pie and hamburgers and
No. I have grit. I'll dream about bananas and tomatoes.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Don't Feed the Troll
Or poke the bear.
Or so I've heard...
Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly a troll. Or a bear. More like a hermit. They're kind of the same, right?
Since I left work for summer vacation I have done exactly nothing with anyone other than my family.
Nada.
Zilch.
Zero.
Not that we haven't done things together. Or that I'm hiding in a cave in our basement. Quite the contrary. We have been to multiple baseball games (Toledo Mud Hens, Detroit Tigers, and Cleveland Indians-love our AL Central League around here!). We have gone on vacation to Georgia's Tybee Island for one week, enduring the rains of Tropical Storm Debby and eventually the 100+ temperatures that followed. I am still knocking sand out of my morning walking shoes two weeks later. We have several family gatherings in the works for the remaining summer months, a few more baseball games, and are considering a couple more family outings.
See, I'm not a total hermit.
Yet I haven't left the house unless we all have. I am happiest sitting right here at home. Ticking items off my to-do list like cleaning out closets and organizing the pantry is my job. I've always vacillated between a social butterfly and hermit, and the swing this time has been dramatic. I've even stepped away from blogging and much of social media. (many apologies!)
Why must I feel apologetic for this though? Clearly my batteries are needing recharging. My person/self/energy is sapped. This past school year was pretty hard on me emotionally. I've been in a funk. I am spending the summer trying to right the ship, so to speak. When I say don't feed the troll (or poke the bear) I mean I need the time to recover my energies before jumping back into blogging, running around, social media, and more. I will say that I have no intentions on giving up this space to write and share. I just need to get myself together first and then will return. I love blogging too much to completely walk away. So when I am ready to jump back on the wagon, I will be back at full force. And hopefully any of my readers that stick around, will be here to read again.
Or so I've heard...
Okay, so maybe I'm not exactly a troll. Or a bear. More like a hermit. They're kind of the same, right?
Since I left work for summer vacation I have done exactly nothing with anyone other than my family.
Nada.
Zilch.
Zero.
Not that we haven't done things together. Or that I'm hiding in a cave in our basement. Quite the contrary. We have been to multiple baseball games (Toledo Mud Hens, Detroit Tigers, and Cleveland Indians-love our AL Central League around here!). We have gone on vacation to Georgia's Tybee Island for one week, enduring the rains of Tropical Storm Debby and eventually the 100+ temperatures that followed. I am still knocking sand out of my morning walking shoes two weeks later. We have several family gatherings in the works for the remaining summer months, a few more baseball games, and are considering a couple more family outings.
See, I'm not a total hermit.
Yet I haven't left the house unless we all have. I am happiest sitting right here at home. Ticking items off my to-do list like cleaning out closets and organizing the pantry is my job. I've always vacillated between a social butterfly and hermit, and the swing this time has been dramatic. I've even stepped away from blogging and much of social media. (many apologies!)
Why must I feel apologetic for this though? Clearly my batteries are needing recharging. My person/self/energy is sapped. This past school year was pretty hard on me emotionally. I've been in a funk. I am spending the summer trying to right the ship, so to speak. When I say don't feed the troll (or poke the bear) I mean I need the time to recover my energies before jumping back into blogging, running around, social media, and more. I will say that I have no intentions on giving up this space to write and share. I just need to get myself together first and then will return. I love blogging too much to completely walk away. So when I am ready to jump back on the wagon, I will be back at full force. And hopefully any of my readers that stick around, will be here to read again.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
My Superpower
I found it. Discovered my inner superpower. The thing that I excel at above all else. Why try to deny it? Time to bring this power out from the shadows and let it soar!
See? I even have a cape!
I showed this delightful discovery to my poor, bedraggled husband and he laughed. At least I think he laughed. Or did he laugh to cover up his horror? Or did he laugh to cover up his horror at discovering his wife is crazy? And why am I typing faster and faster as I think this over.
Breathe.
I am doing it again.
See? I even have a cape!
I showed this delightful discovery to my poor, bedraggled husband and he laughed. At least I think he laughed. Or did he laugh to cover up his horror? Or did he laugh to cover up his horror at discovering his wife is crazy? And why am I typing faster and faster as I think this over.
Breathe.
I am doing it again.
Anyhow, I have been doing rather well with containing my superpower. Since winter I have been writing, meditating, breathing, seeking medical help, running, and working on my diet. All good things. But the last month has been chaotic. Life as a school counselor (teacher/administrator/school person period) can be that way the last quarter of the school year. So I stupidly let myself go. I fell off the running wagon. I have allowed a little bit of regular pop to trickle back into my diet. I haven't done yoga in a few weeks. I haven't stayed up on my to-do list like I should. And to make matters worse, I beat myself up for it. Like seriously. Like in the "you are such a loser" way.
Palm to face.
So, this week it is sunny every day. I am hitting the trail again with the running shoes. I am eating better lunches again. And I will do yoga at least once. I started the meditative breathing again. And those to-do lists that make me feel like I am on top of things? So doing those. I can get the run away horses back in the stable.
But I still want to wear my cape. Because that is badass. Bad. Ass.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Friday Night Feeling
Oh momma, is this lady ever burnt out.
The ashes of my former self are scattered in many directions, blown by the winds of grumpy co-workers, angsty teens, the stretch of this time of year that seems endless between winter break and spring break, the piling up of work on my desk that I swear reproduces overnight, and the looming threat of the end of it all in June and my fears that I will never accomplish what I need to in such a short time.
In short, I need a break.
Luckily, tomorrow begins my spring break. Nine blissful days away from my office. Nine days without voice mail. Without email. Without master schedule building, schedule changes, state testing, career tech school applications, grants, grade printouts, transcripts, and more. It is an empty slate of vacation.
And I cannot wait.
The best part of any vacation are the very first moments. Those seconds when you walk away from responsibility and into relaxation. It is what I fondly refer to as "The Friday Night" effect of any time off. You know what I mean...the way you feel on Friday evening when the entire weekend stretches out in front of you, free of work obligations. I am feeling those exact emotions right this second. I wish I could bottle that and save the feeling for when I most need it. On the night before returning to school. But then again, if I had the power to bottle The Friday Night effect, I wouldn't have to return to work. I would be a gozillionare.
Next week I plan to do very little. Plant seeds in my garden. Start seeds indoors. Process some photographs. Catch up on laundry. Watch some very girl-centric movies. Drive my boy to pre-school. Take a soap-making class. Cook dinners. It sounds very delightful-almost summer vacation like.
But for now, I'm just going to call in for pizza delivery, enjoy Opening Day for several baseball teams, and eat some ice cream. Because it is my Friday Night of vacation. Don't tell me otherwise.
The ashes of my former self are scattered in many directions, blown by the winds of grumpy co-workers, angsty teens, the stretch of this time of year that seems endless between winter break and spring break, the piling up of work on my desk that I swear reproduces overnight, and the looming threat of the end of it all in June and my fears that I will never accomplish what I need to in such a short time.
In short, I need a break.
Luckily, tomorrow begins my spring break. Nine blissful days away from my office. Nine days without voice mail. Without email. Without master schedule building, schedule changes, state testing, career tech school applications, grants, grade printouts, transcripts, and more. It is an empty slate of vacation.
And I cannot wait.
The best part of any vacation are the very first moments. Those seconds when you walk away from responsibility and into relaxation. It is what I fondly refer to as "The Friday Night" effect of any time off. You know what I mean...the way you feel on Friday evening when the entire weekend stretches out in front of you, free of work obligations. I am feeling those exact emotions right this second. I wish I could bottle that and save the feeling for when I most need it. On the night before returning to school. But then again, if I had the power to bottle The Friday Night effect, I wouldn't have to return to work. I would be a gozillionare.
Next week I plan to do very little. Plant seeds in my garden. Start seeds indoors. Process some photographs. Catch up on laundry. Watch some very girl-centric movies. Drive my boy to pre-school. Take a soap-making class. Cook dinners. It sounds very delightful-almost summer vacation like.
But for now, I'm just going to call in for pizza delivery, enjoy Opening Day for several baseball teams, and eat some ice cream. Because it is my Friday Night of vacation. Don't tell me otherwise.
Monday, March 12, 2012
It's Baaaaack...
Oh anxiety. How I've (not) missed you.
Truly, since I last wrote about dealing with anxiety it has seemed to go away. We have been making small changes in our lives at home that have really seemed to help a great deal. It started with our running program. We are in week seven of the training and while my muscles continue to ache a little from time to time, I am feeling fantastic. Full of energy during the day and sleeping well most nights. I've pretty much stopped drinking regular, full-sugar pop. For those of you who know me, I should have warned you to sit down before reading that sentence! I can't say that it was a conscious decision. It wasn't as though I decided one morning that I would eliminate it from my diet. But over the past seven weeks it has worked its way out. Of course now that it is gone, I am consciously making an effort to keep it gone. (and boy, what an effort that can be at times!)
Then there is the whole food thing...we are eating better on more days of the week. We decided back when we started running that we wouldn't overhaul our lives all at once. Whenever we did that the moment one of us went off the wagon the whole cart would overturn and we were done for. This time it has been little baby steps. And it isn't too bad. I'm choosing more healthy snacks when I'm hungry than I am unhealthy ones. I'm trying to cook more healthy meals for us during the weeknights. And when we feel like eating pizza, or having a Five Guys burger-we do. No biggie.
Also, I'm up to one day of yoga each week. I added it in three weeks ago and am keeping it at one day per week until we finish our training program. It is the Body by Bethenny program. I have several others that are a bit more "beginner" than this one is. But this program kicks my butt-which is what I wanted. There are still some poses I can't do, some that make me start shaking and fall to the floor, but this past week I was able to complete a few I couldn't at the beginning! So baby steps, right?
Anyhow, the anxiety has been pretty much non-existent. I figured with the new fitness regime in our life, better sleeping and eating habits, it has to get better. Well, yesterday I noticed twinges of it returning. So I relied on some of the meditation and self-talk techniques I taught myself last summer. I didn't have the best night's sleep, but I was able to rest some, and talk myself down from the worst of anxious moments I have had in the past. It wasn't the same "my chest is on fire and I want to run screaming from the moment" feeling. Baby steps here too, right?
I am not a fan of drugs or medication. Not that I won't use them if needed. But if I can fix whatever ails me without pills, then I will. And if I can conquer my anxiety with a better diet, better physical health, better sleep, and some good emergency techniques stashed in my back pocket for times of need-I will. If not, to the doctor I will go.
And for the moment, I am okay. It is raining outside. A glorious, delightful spring rain with warm air. The robins have returned with their songs. I have a run scheduled for this evening when the sun is set to return. We are having banana pancakes for dinner too. What more can a girl ask for? That and some planned snuggles from my two best guys. I think I'll be okay.
Truly, since I last wrote about dealing with anxiety it has seemed to go away. We have been making small changes in our lives at home that have really seemed to help a great deal. It started with our running program. We are in week seven of the training and while my muscles continue to ache a little from time to time, I am feeling fantastic. Full of energy during the day and sleeping well most nights. I've pretty much stopped drinking regular, full-sugar pop. For those of you who know me, I should have warned you to sit down before reading that sentence! I can't say that it was a conscious decision. It wasn't as though I decided one morning that I would eliminate it from my diet. But over the past seven weeks it has worked its way out. Of course now that it is gone, I am consciously making an effort to keep it gone. (and boy, what an effort that can be at times!)
Then there is the whole food thing...we are eating better on more days of the week. We decided back when we started running that we wouldn't overhaul our lives all at once. Whenever we did that the moment one of us went off the wagon the whole cart would overturn and we were done for. This time it has been little baby steps. And it isn't too bad. I'm choosing more healthy snacks when I'm hungry than I am unhealthy ones. I'm trying to cook more healthy meals for us during the weeknights. And when we feel like eating pizza, or having a Five Guys burger-we do. No biggie.
Also, I'm up to one day of yoga each week. I added it in three weeks ago and am keeping it at one day per week until we finish our training program. It is the Body by Bethenny program. I have several others that are a bit more "beginner" than this one is. But this program kicks my butt-which is what I wanted. There are still some poses I can't do, some that make me start shaking and fall to the floor, but this past week I was able to complete a few I couldn't at the beginning! So baby steps, right?
Anyhow, the anxiety has been pretty much non-existent. I figured with the new fitness regime in our life, better sleeping and eating habits, it has to get better. Well, yesterday I noticed twinges of it returning. So I relied on some of the meditation and self-talk techniques I taught myself last summer. I didn't have the best night's sleep, but I was able to rest some, and talk myself down from the worst of anxious moments I have had in the past. It wasn't the same "my chest is on fire and I want to run screaming from the moment" feeling. Baby steps here too, right?
I am not a fan of drugs or medication. Not that I won't use them if needed. But if I can fix whatever ails me without pills, then I will. And if I can conquer my anxiety with a better diet, better physical health, better sleep, and some good emergency techniques stashed in my back pocket for times of need-I will. If not, to the doctor I will go.
And for the moment, I am okay. It is raining outside. A glorious, delightful spring rain with warm air. The robins have returned with their songs. I have a run scheduled for this evening when the sun is set to return. We are having banana pancakes for dinner too. What more can a girl ask for? That and some planned snuggles from my two best guys. I think I'll be okay.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Less Winded
Well, we are on week three of our 5K training program, and still running along. I am starting to notice small changes daily. When I take the stairs here at work, I'm not winded at the top. When I'm charging down the hallway after a student, my heart isn't racing. I'm sleeping much more soundly at night. These are all small things, but they're adding up.
The training works in baby steps. This week the longest we are supposed to run is three minutes at a time. After my final run in week two, I was terrified. Last Friday I did not have a great run. Stitches in my side. Sore feet. Pounding headache. Barely finished. So I began this week with a bundle of nerves. I did not think I would get through three whole minutes of running without falling down on my face. But then I did it. And I kicked some serious ass. Husband and I (and boy Jack) went on President's Day to the high school track and ran in the cold sunshine. I pumped up the Pandora 80's Cardio Station and shocked myself when the time literally flew by. I found myself nearly dancing through the two minutes of walking interval between the running times. I wanted to jump up and down each time I finished running. I felt so good I wanted to turn cartwheels down the track when I was done with the day's workout! Sure, three minutes isn't much when compared to an entire 5K; but when compared to the zero minutes I was running a mere three weeks ago it is HUGE.
Of course we had to go and get sick. I missed my run yesterday. I'm going to force a run out of myself today if I have to puke on the road. I am finding myself anxiously watching the clouds and willing the rain/snowstorm to stay away until dinnertime so I can go outside for my run. This is the longest I've stuck with a workout program since before baby (now five-year old child). Damn, it feels so good!
The training works in baby steps. This week the longest we are supposed to run is three minutes at a time. After my final run in week two, I was terrified. Last Friday I did not have a great run. Stitches in my side. Sore feet. Pounding headache. Barely finished. So I began this week with a bundle of nerves. I did not think I would get through three whole minutes of running without falling down on my face. But then I did it. And I kicked some serious ass. Husband and I (and boy Jack) went on President's Day to the high school track and ran in the cold sunshine. I pumped up the Pandora 80's Cardio Station and shocked myself when the time literally flew by. I found myself nearly dancing through the two minutes of walking interval between the running times. I wanted to jump up and down each time I finished running. I felt so good I wanted to turn cartwheels down the track when I was done with the day's workout! Sure, three minutes isn't much when compared to an entire 5K; but when compared to the zero minutes I was running a mere three weeks ago it is HUGE.
Of course we had to go and get sick. I missed my run yesterday. I'm going to force a run out of myself today if I have to puke on the road. I am finding myself anxiously watching the clouds and willing the rain/snowstorm to stay away until dinnertime so I can go outside for my run. This is the longest I've stuck with a workout program since before baby (now five-year old child). Damn, it feels so good!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
And I was running
Still here. No whimpering sounds from the corner even! Hooray for me!
I am on the third day of training for week one. There are three days of training each week of this eight week program. Supposedly by week eight I will be ready to run a 5K. Honestly, this week has been fantastic. The first day, I ran 1.6 miles. Whoot! High fives and fist bumps all around! The second day I'm not certain how far I ran because the GPS got all whacked out (we ran inside a school building and in tiny circles/up and down stairs). The system couldn't handle all those hairpin turns, repeating circles and at the end of the program told me I ran nine miles. Um, no. I'll guesstimate it around one. Still, I ran stairs people. Stairs. And I didn't die. I didn't pass out. I didn't even quit. It was awesome!
My legs are only a teensy bit sore. In that "woah, we are seeing some action we haven't seen in forever" way. Not in that "can't move/walk/roll over in bed" way. It is a good sore. The kind where you know you're making progress. And the kind that stops hurting when you start moving.
Today I'm on my own for a run again. The husband and I are trying to coordinate at least one run a week together. He went out this morning at o'dark thirty while I got ready for work to do his. Came home glowing. It was awesome. I'll hit the pavement in the sunshine after work today. And the funny part is (shhhhh....don't tell) I am kind of, really, looking forward to it.
The thing is, this program is so totally manageable. After today I will be done for the week. Husband will have one day left to get in. And then we start on week two. It does not feel overwhelming at all like I thought it would (or like other programs we have tried in the past). The app on our phones is easy to use and lets you use either your ipod or Pandora while running. I have no designs on being a runner-if I had a photo of my friend who races like a champ and piles up miles on her feet like no ones business, I'd attach it. She is a runner. No, my intentions are to regain a healthy lifestyle. I want our son to see us complete the race this spring. He was there on Tuesday to see his parents do their running workout. Over the course of the next seven weeks he will see us going out to run. I want Jack to grow up knowing about healthy choices. We already belong to a CSA and work to put more good food into our diets. This is the next step.
I am on the third day of training for week one. There are three days of training each week of this eight week program. Supposedly by week eight I will be ready to run a 5K. Honestly, this week has been fantastic. The first day, I ran 1.6 miles. Whoot! High fives and fist bumps all around! The second day I'm not certain how far I ran because the GPS got all whacked out (we ran inside a school building and in tiny circles/up and down stairs). The system couldn't handle all those hairpin turns, repeating circles and at the end of the program told me I ran nine miles. Um, no. I'll guesstimate it around one. Still, I ran stairs people. Stairs. And I didn't die. I didn't pass out. I didn't even quit. It was awesome!
My legs are only a teensy bit sore. In that "woah, we are seeing some action we haven't seen in forever" way. Not in that "can't move/walk/roll over in bed" way. It is a good sore. The kind where you know you're making progress. And the kind that stops hurting when you start moving.
Today I'm on my own for a run again. The husband and I are trying to coordinate at least one run a week together. He went out this morning at o'dark thirty while I got ready for work to do his. Came home glowing. It was awesome. I'll hit the pavement in the sunshine after work today. And the funny part is (shhhhh....don't tell) I am kind of, really, looking forward to it.
The thing is, this program is so totally manageable. After today I will be done for the week. Husband will have one day left to get in. And then we start on week two. It does not feel overwhelming at all like I thought it would (or like other programs we have tried in the past). The app on our phones is easy to use and lets you use either your ipod or Pandora while running. I have no designs on being a runner-if I had a photo of my friend who races like a champ and piles up miles on her feet like no ones business, I'd attach it. She is a runner. No, my intentions are to regain a healthy lifestyle. I want our son to see us complete the race this spring. He was there on Tuesday to see his parents do their running workout. Over the course of the next seven weeks he will see us going out to run. I want Jack to grow up knowing about healthy choices. We already belong to a CSA and work to put more good food into our diets. This is the next step.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Run Like You Stole Something...
So, before child I had taken up running. Please do NOT mistake me here. I ran in spurts. Uncoordinated, plodding, huffing and puffing spurts. But I did it. And for the most part it felt pretty good. (well, except for that whole sciatic nerve thing) I was proud of my non-athletic self doing something and sticking with it. I would slack off when the weather wasn't ideal (winter time). But I would do a bang-up job in the spring and summertime.
The we moved. And made a baby. And I started my new job 45 minutes from home. And I am SO not a morning person. And with life comes roadblocks. Well, at least with my life. I love nothing more than throwing up roadblocks. Such as...
I cannot possibly get up at 4:30am to work out.
We don't own a treadmill.
Our old neighborhood was super-accomidating to running. Our new one has two tiny streets. Meh.
After work, I pick up our boy. Where will he go when I run?
Do I run in the dark when my husband gets home?
See? I am so good at this game. I can do the hamster wheel arguing till the cows come home.
But our boy is going on five and we are not getting any younger. And not feeling any better about our health. So about a week ago my husband showed me an app he downloaded that is one of those "couch to 5K" training programs. I put it on my phone yesterday. And then found a race for us in May. I figured that if we registered for a race we are pretty much obligated to do this whole moving thing.
I am terrified. I don't race. I haven't raced ever. Not even the 100-yard dash in elementary school field day. I stuck to the hippity-hop relays and jump rope. Public races? Holy hell people. This is horrifying. But, if signing up will get me moving and training so I don't completely embarrass myself, then so be it. This week starts week one of an eight-week training program. Three days each week of running. Nothing crazy. I can do this.
Right?
And if you hear whimpering, that will be me in the corner.
***Update***
So, I read Karen Wolrond's Babble post on exercise right after posting. (complete concidience...it was linked in her chookooloonks blog from Friday, and I had NO idea!) Fantastic. And there was this sweet little video. So awesomely motivating. You're welcome.
The we moved. And made a baby. And I started my new job 45 minutes from home. And I am SO not a morning person. And with life comes roadblocks. Well, at least with my life. I love nothing more than throwing up roadblocks. Such as...
I cannot possibly get up at 4:30am to work out.
We don't own a treadmill.
Our old neighborhood was super-accomidating to running. Our new one has two tiny streets. Meh.
After work, I pick up our boy. Where will he go when I run?
Do I run in the dark when my husband gets home?
See? I am so good at this game. I can do the hamster wheel arguing till the cows come home.
But our boy is going on five and we are not getting any younger. And not feeling any better about our health. So about a week ago my husband showed me an app he downloaded that is one of those "couch to 5K" training programs. I put it on my phone yesterday. And then found a race for us in May. I figured that if we registered for a race we are pretty much obligated to do this whole moving thing.
I am terrified. I don't race. I haven't raced ever. Not even the 100-yard dash in elementary school field day. I stuck to the hippity-hop relays and jump rope. Public races? Holy hell people. This is horrifying. But, if signing up will get me moving and training so I don't completely embarrass myself, then so be it. This week starts week one of an eight-week training program. Three days each week of running. Nothing crazy. I can do this.
Right?
And if you hear whimpering, that will be me in the corner.
***Update***
So, I read Karen Wolrond's Babble post on exercise right after posting. (complete concidience...it was linked in her chookooloonks blog from Friday, and I had NO idea!) Fantastic. And there was this sweet little video. So awesomely motivating. You're welcome.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
From Saturday to Now **Updated**
So I sort of fell off the face of the blogosphere, didn't I? This whole "I'm going to post every day for a month" isn't in the cards for me. But let me tell you my tale of the weekend through to this morning and at least explain why the thought of putting fingers to keyboard was unbearable...
I have mentioned that I was taking steps to wrangle my anxiety to levels I could handle. And so I saw my CNP last week. She and I decided on a course of meds for me-based on symptoms and the meds I take to control migraine headaches. I picked up the meds from my pharmacist on Thursday and started them that evening. Slept like a stone (however that is). Was quite sleepy all day Friday. Took a two-hour nap in front of the TV Friday night. And then I went to bed and passed out like I hadn't slept in years.
This, my friends, is not normal.
I woke up Saturday with the start of a migraine. I've been getting them since I was in junior high and know the signs well. Since I didn't intend on spending the day feeling awful, I took the prescription I have for acute treatment. No one had told me this might not be safe. Within an hour the headache was gone. I was still sleepy as all get out, not hungry at all, and felt like a weak kitten. Did a little research on my new med and discovered this was common in the first few days, but should wear off. Took next scheduled dose and went to bed.
Woken up in the middle of the night by crying son who complained of earache. Felt dizzy and uncoordinated (more than typical for me) as I walked to his bathroom to give him some Tylenol. Should have been concerned. Instead I went back to bed. By morning I had added to the pile of symptoms a headache that wasn't a migraine, but more like someone had tied a band of iron around my skull and tightened it. And whenever I stood, moved, or breathed with any sense of urgency the headache increased exponentially. And I was still dizzy, uncoordinated, sleepy, and not feeling hungry (rather the opposite of hungry).
Now I got the message that something was not right.
Started digging and researching possible problems. Discovered that my migraine med and my new anxiety med can possibly cause a condition called Serotonin Syndrome. I showed early symptoms. Course of treatment was to stop all meds immediately and see if you improve. My Sunday consisted of the following:
Couch
Pillows
Sweats
Water
Season 1 Downton Abbey (why did NO ONE tell me about this delightful show before?!)
Tea
Switch Couch
Season 2 Downton Abbey
Cursing that there were not more episodes to watch
Many, many bathroom breaks
By nightfall I was hungry (pizza). My headache had lessened to a dull ache. I felt solid enough on my feet to wander downstairs to my family. By Monday I actually was dressed.
So I am back to square one. The pharmacist confirmed my self-diagnosis and I'm waiting for the CNP to call to see what is next. I am not going to give up. Even if today I feel no anxiety, I know it is lurking around the corner and I do not want to let it win.
**Update**
So my CNP called last night and has me off the meds for two weeks to make sure I'm okay. If we want to try them again, we will at that point. I'm not so certain I do. Too scary for me, as I cannot be without my migraine medicine in my life. So now I'm moving on to my family practitioner, per CNP directive. No biggie, just a change in the plan. I'm down with that! I'll keep y'all updated!
I have mentioned that I was taking steps to wrangle my anxiety to levels I could handle. And so I saw my CNP last week. She and I decided on a course of meds for me-based on symptoms and the meds I take to control migraine headaches. I picked up the meds from my pharmacist on Thursday and started them that evening. Slept like a stone (however that is). Was quite sleepy all day Friday. Took a two-hour nap in front of the TV Friday night. And then I went to bed and passed out like I hadn't slept in years.
This, my friends, is not normal.
I woke up Saturday with the start of a migraine. I've been getting them since I was in junior high and know the signs well. Since I didn't intend on spending the day feeling awful, I took the prescription I have for acute treatment. No one had told me this might not be safe. Within an hour the headache was gone. I was still sleepy as all get out, not hungry at all, and felt like a weak kitten. Did a little research on my new med and discovered this was common in the first few days, but should wear off. Took next scheduled dose and went to bed.
Woken up in the middle of the night by crying son who complained of earache. Felt dizzy and uncoordinated (more than typical for me) as I walked to his bathroom to give him some Tylenol. Should have been concerned. Instead I went back to bed. By morning I had added to the pile of symptoms a headache that wasn't a migraine, but more like someone had tied a band of iron around my skull and tightened it. And whenever I stood, moved, or breathed with any sense of urgency the headache increased exponentially. And I was still dizzy, uncoordinated, sleepy, and not feeling hungry (rather the opposite of hungry).
Now I got the message that something was not right.
Started digging and researching possible problems. Discovered that my migraine med and my new anxiety med can possibly cause a condition called Serotonin Syndrome. I showed early symptoms. Course of treatment was to stop all meds immediately and see if you improve. My Sunday consisted of the following:
Couch
Pillows
Sweats
Water
Season 1 Downton Abbey (why did NO ONE tell me about this delightful show before?!)
Tea
Switch Couch
Season 2 Downton Abbey
Cursing that there were not more episodes to watch
Many, many bathroom breaks
By nightfall I was hungry (pizza). My headache had lessened to a dull ache. I felt solid enough on my feet to wander downstairs to my family. By Monday I actually was dressed.
So I am back to square one. The pharmacist confirmed my self-diagnosis and I'm waiting for the CNP to call to see what is next. I am not going to give up. Even if today I feel no anxiety, I know it is lurking around the corner and I do not want to let it win.
**Update**
So my CNP called last night and has me off the meds for two weeks to make sure I'm okay. If we want to try them again, we will at that point. I'm not so certain I do. Too scary for me, as I cannot be without my migraine medicine in my life. So now I'm moving on to my family practitioner, per CNP directive. No biggie, just a change in the plan. I'm down with that! I'll keep y'all updated!
Friday, January 13, 2012
On Reassurance and Moving Forward
I had a lovely post all ready to go yesterday. Thought it had gone live in the evening. Sometimes technology gets the best of all of us, right? To make matters worse, the darn thing didn't even save.
Grrrrrr.
So here is yesterday's post for you...an update of sorts.
I've taken the next step forward to wellness in my battle with mean anxiety. On Wednesday I had my appointment with my nurse midwife (who is amazing and perfect). She listened. She asked questions. Like any health care practitioner worth her salt, she did an assessment. She asked for my opinions too. We laughed some, we were serious some, and mostly it felt like a good chat between friends. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have health care providers who you feel a kinship with. The very best thing she did for me on Wednesday was at the end of the appointment. She looked me right in the eyes and said that things were going to get better. Not go back to "normal" (because what is "normal" anyhow). Nope. They're going to get better.
I left with a plan. I love plans. Plans and lists. I have a follow-up appointment in April. If anything goes horrifically off track between now and then I am to call at any time. And she told me I am normal. Like many other women she treats. That this can be treated. At some point during the appointment she picked up the giant weight off my shoulders and deposited it elsewhere.
If you are struggling with any type of mental health issue, please don't do so silently. As a mental health professional (and as someone who is going through some of her own) I cannot stress enough that these are treatable and you can get better. I will be better. Better for me. Better for my family. For my friends. For every day I have faced with unbearable anxiety and stress.
Grrrrrr.
So here is yesterday's post for you...an update of sorts.
I've taken the next step forward to wellness in my battle with mean anxiety. On Wednesday I had my appointment with my nurse midwife (who is amazing and perfect). She listened. She asked questions. Like any health care practitioner worth her salt, she did an assessment. She asked for my opinions too. We laughed some, we were serious some, and mostly it felt like a good chat between friends. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have health care providers who you feel a kinship with. The very best thing she did for me on Wednesday was at the end of the appointment. She looked me right in the eyes and said that things were going to get better. Not go back to "normal" (because what is "normal" anyhow). Nope. They're going to get better.
I left with a plan. I love plans. Plans and lists. I have a follow-up appointment in April. If anything goes horrifically off track between now and then I am to call at any time. And she told me I am normal. Like many other women she treats. That this can be treated. At some point during the appointment she picked up the giant weight off my shoulders and deposited it elsewhere.
If you are struggling with any type of mental health issue, please don't do so silently. As a mental health professional (and as someone who is going through some of her own) I cannot stress enough that these are treatable and you can get better. I will be better. Better for me. Better for my family. For my friends. For every day I have faced with unbearable anxiety and stress.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Putting One Foot In Front Of the Other
I really loved today's NaBloPoMo prompt "what is the hardest part about a beginning?" It followed yesterday's post so well, I decided to ponder it for a bit. Yesterday I took a deep breath and opened the door on a subject I have been very hesitant to talk about...my struggles with anxiety. And what happened? Lots of things, of course. First-I worried about it. (duh) What does one who struggles with anxiety do, naturally?! I worried about what people would think when they read what I'd written. That I would get all sorts of feedback telling me to suck it up, and to quit whining. (for the record, that did NOT happen and the comments were exactly the lifeline I needed. y'all are amazing and wonderful!) Second, I got stuck for most of the day. I plopped this statement out there and then couldn't move, so to speak. I didn't know what to do next. Even once I'd gotten home I found myself starting and stopping most of the evening. Thank god for a husband who loves me as much as mine does. If not for him, I'd still be leaning up against the living room wall wondering if I should take a bath, make a mug of coffee, or continue to stand and listen to CNN. (face palm!) Third, and this is the most important, I decided on what my next step is going to be...
I am going to be making a phone call today to my nurse midwife. No...I am not pregnant! However, I think she is the best place to start. So much of this is cyclical (with random offshoots that I think aren't very frequent at all). I think she will be a much better place to begin. Plus, she is holistic in her approach to healing, which I really love. If she cannot help me, she will certainly be able to point me in the right direction, as she has done before. I am a bit nervous to make the call (drat to you anxiety) but at the same time feel myself getting control over the run away train my life feels like right now. And that my friends is my answer to today's prompt. Getting control over the beginning to figure out what my second, third and subsequent steps will be. That's the hardest part for me. Once I have that figured out, I'm good to go. But beginnings, they overwhelm me.
I would like to thank each and every one of you who sent me comments yesterday. I cannot tell you what a lifeline they were. I know we hear so often that the Internet is a wretched place, but yesterday you proved that theory wrong. You reached out across the expanse of social media to comfort a person you've never met. That means more than you might ever know. Thank you, from the bottomest of my grateful heart.
I am going to be making a phone call today to my nurse midwife. No...I am not pregnant! However, I think she is the best place to start. So much of this is cyclical (with random offshoots that I think aren't very frequent at all). I think she will be a much better place to begin. Plus, she is holistic in her approach to healing, which I really love. If she cannot help me, she will certainly be able to point me in the right direction, as she has done before. I am a bit nervous to make the call (drat to you anxiety) but at the same time feel myself getting control over the run away train my life feels like right now. And that my friends is my answer to today's prompt. Getting control over the beginning to figure out what my second, third and subsequent steps will be. That's the hardest part for me. Once I have that figured out, I'm good to go. But beginnings, they overwhelm me.
I would like to thank each and every one of you who sent me comments yesterday. I cannot tell you what a lifeline they were. I know we hear so often that the Internet is a wretched place, but yesterday you proved that theory wrong. You reached out across the expanse of social media to comfort a person you've never met. That means more than you might ever know. Thank you, from the bottomest of my grateful heart.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Just Breathe
This cursor is mocking me.
I thought today's post through over and over as I drove, not certain how I would attack it. If I would even write it. But I think that if I write it, I will feel better.
I hope.
I have come into the grips of some terrifically terribly-awful anxiety over the past year or so. It ebbs and flows. At first I thought it was seasonal...winter blues. I just needed some sunshine and warmth then I'd be all good. Then I thought it was totally PMS related. It seemed that way at least. Sometimes it was worse than others. As in, sometimes I can function and only feel mildly anxious and sometimes I feel like my skin is melting off my body and I can't run away fast enough from this feeling. I've only talked to one human being about this so far. My perfect and amazing husband. I'm afraid that the more I talk about it, the bigger it will get. Yet, I'm becoming less and less functional. How crazy is that? You want to know the worst part...
I'm a mental health professional.
Yep. I know better. I know that you cannot make mental health problems better by ignoring them. They are just like physical health problems. I cannot "cure" this on my own. I don't know exactly what triggers my anxiety. I don't typically see it coming either. But when it hits, oh man. All I can think about is how to breathe. How to slow my pulse. How to stop that burning chest feeling. I want to run into a cave and hide, but I know that if I ever had that chance it would just be me alone with my crazy whirling brain. Not a good combo when you are filled with anxiety.
My husband has asked me what makes me so anxious. I don't have the answers. Sometimes I am worried about what a bad parent I am. Sometimes I worry about all the things I've failed at. Sometimes it is family things. I have extremely high standards for myself, and have yet to live up to them. So this worries me. Then sometimes it is bizarre things, like the other night when I was trying to fall asleep and the newscaster was talking about the Mayan Calendar and our world ending this year. That really did me in. Couldn't sleep. Worried about all the things I hadn't done yet and the life left unlived.
I do feel a bit better writing about this. It seems less scary now that I see it in black and white. I cannot live my life riddled with crippling periods of anxiety and fear. It isn't fair to the people I love. It isn't fair to me either. I know that I need to figure out how to cope with it in a way that is healthy. So this will be the year I do so. I promise. I promise you, I promise my family, I promise myself.
I thought today's post through over and over as I drove, not certain how I would attack it. If I would even write it. But I think that if I write it, I will feel better.
I hope.
I have come into the grips of some terrifically terribly-awful anxiety over the past year or so. It ebbs and flows. At first I thought it was seasonal...winter blues. I just needed some sunshine and warmth then I'd be all good. Then I thought it was totally PMS related. It seemed that way at least. Sometimes it was worse than others. As in, sometimes I can function and only feel mildly anxious and sometimes I feel like my skin is melting off my body and I can't run away fast enough from this feeling. I've only talked to one human being about this so far. My perfect and amazing husband. I'm afraid that the more I talk about it, the bigger it will get. Yet, I'm becoming less and less functional. How crazy is that? You want to know the worst part...
I'm a mental health professional.
Yep. I know better. I know that you cannot make mental health problems better by ignoring them. They are just like physical health problems. I cannot "cure" this on my own. I don't know exactly what triggers my anxiety. I don't typically see it coming either. But when it hits, oh man. All I can think about is how to breathe. How to slow my pulse. How to stop that burning chest feeling. I want to run into a cave and hide, but I know that if I ever had that chance it would just be me alone with my crazy whirling brain. Not a good combo when you are filled with anxiety.
My husband has asked me what makes me so anxious. I don't have the answers. Sometimes I am worried about what a bad parent I am. Sometimes I worry about all the things I've failed at. Sometimes it is family things. I have extremely high standards for myself, and have yet to live up to them. So this worries me. Then sometimes it is bizarre things, like the other night when I was trying to fall asleep and the newscaster was talking about the Mayan Calendar and our world ending this year. That really did me in. Couldn't sleep. Worried about all the things I hadn't done yet and the life left unlived.
I do feel a bit better writing about this. It seems less scary now that I see it in black and white. I cannot live my life riddled with crippling periods of anxiety and fear. It isn't fair to the people I love. It isn't fair to me either. I know that I need to figure out how to cope with it in a way that is healthy. So this will be the year I do so. I promise. I promise you, I promise my family, I promise myself.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Bendy and Twisty
I'm fairly certain I've blogged about working out before. Yep, I know I've talked about it. Well the past few weeks I've attempted to start (again) into the groove of good old sweaty workouts. But my consistent dirty secret is that I hate it. I hate cardio with my entire being. I hate sweat. I hate heart pounding, fast moving, body jarring cardio. I get all angry at the instructor. If I'm running, I get all angry at the trail/road. I know I'm supposed to be all happy with endorphins, but really I'm just mad. Cardio seems to have that effect on me. Well, yesterday I was on my way home from work. I was wiped out. In that puffy-eyed way where you can barely look up, let alone motivate yourself to work-out. But I knew I needed to. So, I fired up good old Apple TV. Thank you lord for Podcasts. I found a ton of awesome yoga podcast videos and selected ones to string together into a playlist that gave me a good 30 minute workout (along with two others...a bedtime stretch and morning stretch).
Yoga and I are BFFs I have decided. After an exhausting day it was blissful doing those poses. Not easy mind you. Little crow nearly slayed me. Seriously, I almost fell on my noggin. Today my abs, arms and thighs totally feel it. But, I wasn't angry. Nope, I felt all bendy, twisty, stretched out and happy after my workout. I'm so over angry cardio. We are broken up. I am going to listen to my body. It wants to take walks, do yoga, and never ever be yelled at again. If you are going to jump on my comments and lecture me about how I cannot possibly be healthy without running, spinning, or some other form of cardio, stop yourself. That's your gig. Not mine. Me and happy yoga are over here. We like you and your cardio. We just won't come to the party.
Yoga and I are BFFs I have decided. After an exhausting day it was blissful doing those poses. Not easy mind you. Little crow nearly slayed me. Seriously, I almost fell on my noggin. Today my abs, arms and thighs totally feel it. But, I wasn't angry. Nope, I felt all bendy, twisty, stretched out and happy after my workout. I'm so over angry cardio. We are broken up. I am going to listen to my body. It wants to take walks, do yoga, and never ever be yelled at again. If you are going to jump on my comments and lecture me about how I cannot possibly be healthy without running, spinning, or some other form of cardio, stop yourself. That's your gig. Not mine. Me and happy yoga are over here. We like you and your cardio. We just won't come to the party.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Nervous Twitches
I hate, no loathe, this time of the month. Girls you know what I'm talking about. Those days leading up to you-know-what. When you're just a bit puffy in the fingers and toes, you get headaches, you want nothing but junk food, and as one of my BFF's says "you get that floaty feeling" (she's so right). It's just so...ugh. Well, in the past year or so, maybe longer, I don't know, I've started getting terribly, horribly anxious for a few days. The kind of anxiety where I feel like I am stuck on a hamster wheel and cannot get off. Where if I can just be distracted from my brain I am okay, but whenever it gets quiet, say at bedtime, I feel like my heart is going to burst out of my chest and my arms and legs are going to run off my body in four different directions. It kills me. Then one morning I wake up and like magic, it is gone. I can't even tell you right now what is making me anxious. I'm on summer vacation. I spent the day with the two boys I love better than anything in this whole wide world. We ate cake for dinner. Freaking cake. Yet I can't seem to type this fast enough because the moment the cursor starts blinking I start thinking. Ugh.
Is there anyone else out there who gets this way? I have been researching natural remedies to this anxiety that may help. I don't want to eliminate my cycle. I don't want medicine-I try to be as unmedicated as possible. I have to take too much for migraines as it is. I just need some sort of method to cope for three days each month, 36 days each year.
Boy, when I write it out like that, it seems more awful than I've allowed myself to believe. 36 days is over one month. Over one-half of this lovely summer vacation. Half of an entire season if you look at it based on weather patterns. I know I'm rambling a bit here, but seriously, today is the worst, and I know that tomorrow I'll start feeling a little better and by Sunday I will start to come back to myself again. If I can just hang in there for about 48 more hours. And if my family can too.
Unless someone jams this darn hamster wheel for me before then!
Is there anyone else out there who gets this way? I have been researching natural remedies to this anxiety that may help. I don't want to eliminate my cycle. I don't want medicine-I try to be as unmedicated as possible. I have to take too much for migraines as it is. I just need some sort of method to cope for three days each month, 36 days each year.
Boy, when I write it out like that, it seems more awful than I've allowed myself to believe. 36 days is over one month. Over one-half of this lovely summer vacation. Half of an entire season if you look at it based on weather patterns. I know I'm rambling a bit here, but seriously, today is the worst, and I know that tomorrow I'll start feeling a little better and by Sunday I will start to come back to myself again. If I can just hang in there for about 48 more hours. And if my family can too.
Unless someone jams this darn hamster wheel for me before then!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Yawn
Well folks, like I said yesterday it is summer. And as such, I have fallen into my wretched summer sleep pattern. That is, fall asleep by 1am and drag my lazy butt out of bed around 9am when the boy is begging for breakfast and "no more nick jr momma!" Then I look at the clock and think about all the stuff I could have gotten done by this point in the day had I gone to bed earlier, gotten up earlier. Then comes the guilt. Then I start in on the coffee to wake up and stifle the yawns. I know I've said it before-I'm just not a morning person.
But the thing is, I don't hate mornings. Actually, I love them. I love the light, the waking up of my garden, the stillness. I love it all. I just cannot seem to make myself go to sleep. It is as though I am afraid I'll miss something important. Like what? Starz running "My Best Friend's Wedding" for the billionth time? Isn't that what I have a DVR for? (slaps forehead)
Tonight, I will go to sleep at a reasonable hour. 11 at the latest. I want to be up and ready to face tomorrow before 8. Writing before 9. I can do this. I can become a better summer vacation morning girl. My goal is simple, before we head to our mountain vacation I want to be back to getting up early enough to enjoy the morning and not my current night owl self. Hold me to it readers!
Over and out. Need to make more (yawn) coffee.
But the thing is, I don't hate mornings. Actually, I love them. I love the light, the waking up of my garden, the stillness. I love it all. I just cannot seem to make myself go to sleep. It is as though I am afraid I'll miss something important. Like what? Starz running "My Best Friend's Wedding" for the billionth time? Isn't that what I have a DVR for? (slaps forehead)
Tonight, I will go to sleep at a reasonable hour. 11 at the latest. I want to be up and ready to face tomorrow before 8. Writing before 9. I can do this. I can become a better summer vacation morning girl. My goal is simple, before we head to our mountain vacation I want to be back to getting up early enough to enjoy the morning and not my current night owl self. Hold me to it readers!
Over and out. Need to make more (yawn) coffee.
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