Wednesday, May 16, 2012

(Lack of) Potty Training

Seriously. WTF

I mean, we did this two years ago.  That's right, two years.  Count the months. They equal 24.  Twenty-four blissful diaper-free months.  Two years.  Two years without worrying about carrying around a diaper bag. Two years without having to find a suitable place to lay down our bundle of joy to wipe his rear end (because he got too heavy for those grody tables). Two years that we didn't have to carry a change of clothes everywhere. Two years of keeping the wipes in the car only.

And now we are back to this.  For the past week or so our five year-old boy has gotten up wet.  He is refusing to wipe himself.  He is wetting his pants.  A few months ago it was just an accident here or there.  Bed wetting we can understand.  But that isn't the case.  It is the "I have to go but I don't want to go so I will hold it as long as I can and ohmygoodnessIleakedandnowwhatdoIdo" thing.  Not wet through and leaking down his leg.  Oh no.  He is too engrossed in his play.  Or too sleepy right at dawn.  Or too much into his movie.  Or loves riding his bike too much.  And don't get me started on how helpless he becomes when it comes to wiping and washing his hands. 

Yes, I am ranting.  Because this boy insists he can "do it myself momma!" all the time.  Unless it is related to potty and hygiene.  He has regressed to babyhood.  And we cannot figure out what to do with it.  I am up to here (hand stretched to sky) with the wet pants and stink.  Potty training was much preferred to this! So I am open to suggestions.  Or offers to board our son while he works it out. 

I know, I know...I should be more patient.  I should be understanding.  But right now.  In this moment.  I. Am. Not.  Someday I will look back on this and giggle (possibly).  Just like we do over his hitting phase.  But today I want it fixed. And like any parents, we know that once this is solved, another problem will move in to replace this one.  Possibly one that is even more aggravating.  The neverending fun of parenting, right? 

For now, I reserve the right to rant.  And will call our family physician for a consult to rule out any serious medical issue.  And purchase a board to beat my head into.  And then turn to the bottle.  Because this is a problem that can only be solved by a good, stiff drink. 

For me, people! Yeesh!