Friday, June 1, 2012

Anti-Social Me

I am on the cusp of summer vacation.  The weeks stretch out in front of me like a blank canvas.  I always say that this is the very best part of vacation-the very first evening. It is filled with absolute possibility and the clock has only just started ticking.  It is the Friday night of summer.  Well, technically my first day hasn't quite yet arrived-that will come on Tuesday.  Still, it is so close I can see it.  That has to count for something. 

Everyone here is busy tying up lose ends and talking summer plans-who is going where, what teams their kids are on for summer ball, what pools they'll be frequenting, summer camps, fairs and more.  And the inevitable question keeps coming up "when will we get together?"  While I'm sure in July I'll feel differently, but right now I cringe inwardly whenever I hear this question waft into my ears.  By the time I have crossed through the gauntlet otherwise known as May in school-world, all I want to do for a while is sit at home, read books, watch our son play, go for milkshakes on Tuesday nights, and enjoy some family time.  I want to rise in the morning and take my time with my coffee and blogs.  I want to do yoga before sunset.  I want to have time to do things around the house and plan meals.  I want to garden.  During the day.  I want to read my annual Summer favorite-Prodigal Summer.

What I don't want is to rush around to go and see people.  And I feel like such a wretched bitch saying that out loud.  But even as a little girl I vacillated between social butterfly and hermit.  Taking a week off from friends to spend days inside reading books or making up imaginary play with Barbies and GI Joes.  My batteries are just spent and need some recharging.  I don't think this makes me a bad person, but I can't help but feel guilty because I won't tear myself away from my solitary pursuits at home to be social. 

My husband tells me I'm not as hermit-like as I think-mostly because when he gets home from work I like to go places.  But the key is I like to go places with him and our son.  I am a family hermit.  Wanting only to spend time with them. 

Maybe one day the social butterfly part of me will take over completely and I'll want to fill my calendar with plans.  I'll want to join in with the other moms and chat as our kids play.  But for now I'll be content with me and my boy in the backyard after lunches, with only the birds and butterflies as company.