Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Stuck

Have you ever been in a place where you feel completely, totally, and utterly in over your head?  The kind where the light at the end of the tunnel is so far around the corner you can't even see it?  Well, I'm there.  In oh so many ways.  I made a promise to myself when I started writing this blog that I would always be honest, and that's what you're getting today...a serious dose of honesty from this girl.

Normally, I'm a pretty optimistic person.  A glass half-full girl.  But a few times each year I find myself getting so far into my own head I can't seem to find my way out.  I think we all have that, but when you're there, you do feel so alone.  It can be scary.  The thing that drives me crazy, is that I don't see this coming.  There I was, trucking right along, writing up a storm, getting things done at work like a champ, keeping up with life at home, staying organized in a way that wasn't even like me, and then BAM! Life seemed to fall apart around my ears.  I have lost my writing mojo (sorry).  I'm watching my readership stats fall like a stone.  I can't motivate myself to keep the house clean.  I have projects at work coming out of my ears, and cannot for the life of me, keep up.  I had a grand fitness plan for April that I didn't touch because I was so damn exhausted.  Now I sit here, staring at these words, hoping that by writing them out, some form of catharsis will come and I'll feel better. 

I know that isn't entirely true.  I know that I am really just putting off the stack of paperwork to my right and my left.  I know that I have a meeting in two hours.  I know that afterwords I have to come back here and collect the information for another meeting tomorrow morning.  Suddenly planting season is on me and I haven't done a thing in my garden either. 

See...I'm doing it again.  Piling up all of my failures, or perceived failures, to show the girl in the mirror how awful she is.  So, I'm going to make a promise to me (and to you)...to stop with the finger pointing today.  I'm going to dig in, and get this work done.  I'm going to pretend I'm not so damn tired and just do what I need to do.  And, I'm going to forgive myself and be a little kinder to the human that I am.  That's it.  If I am not perfect, so be it.  Hopefully this tactic will work, and by the end of my school year I'll feel a bit better about life. 

Fingers crossed!

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